Gensokyo Festival 2019 Prompt Fills
by Aardvark123
Summary: A collection of all-new Touhou stories inspired by a month's worth of prompts on tumblr. Read on for action, adventure, fun in the sun, love, heartbreak, tea parties, friendship, rivalry, drama, laughter, frilly dresses and more, with all your favourite characters and a few you don't really care for. Remember, though, anything can happen.
1. Day 1: Beginning

**~Author's Note~**

Barely a month after I finished remastering all my stories from the last one, a new Gensokyo Festival has begun, this time with thirty-one prompts because it's March. I'm not going to remaster my entries this time, unless I specifically want to expand on some; all of them are going to be published as they are when first completed.

For my first entry, witness the beginning of Reimu and her legend.

**~Red and White Dawn~**

"Aaaagh… Gods, I don't ever want to do that again." The Shrine Maiden of Paradise had faced countless challenges, but she had never struggled so fiercely nor felt so much pain before that day. Her body had felt like it was being torn apart, but somehow she was still lying there in one piece, drenched in sweat and aching from the waist down.

"She's beautiful…" Takumi was crying as he cradled the baby in his arms. "You did it, Akari. You did it! Oh, she's perfect!"

Akari propped herself up on her elbows and smiled wearily. "Got any ideas what to call her?"

The baby stared up at her father, completely dumbfounded, but there was already something familiar in her sparkling red eyes. Her mother's power was definitely inside her.

"We'll call her Reimu," declared Takumi. "I don't know why, I just have this feeling."

"Reimu Hakurei… A beloved companion revealed in a dream…" Akari's gaze drifted to the half-open door. It was a warm summer morning, too early for most people to come visiting, but she caught a flash of blonde hair and a glimpse of purple fabric disappearing behind the wall. "A name that starts with Rei and ends with Rei. Yes, that'll do just fine."

* * *

Fourteen years later, it rained. Reimu's feet skidded in the mud as she ran through the Forest of Magic. She was glad of the waterproof hair-dye SinGyoku had found her last week, but every other part of her was soaked, leaving her shivering in her kimono.

Reimu wanted to get home, but the path to her shrine was treacherous in the rain, so she slowed down as she came to the mountains. A few hundred steps carved into the rock were between her and home. For the three thousand, four hundred and seventeenth time, Reimu wished she could hurry up and learn to fly.

At the top of the stairs, Reimu stopped in her tracks. Her jaw dropped. A damp, smouldering pile of wood was all that was left of her shrine.

"Wh…" Reimu fell to her knees. "Why? What happened?!"

"It was a ghost." SinGyoku materialised beside Reimu, wearing their red-haired aspect. "A vengeful spirit clad in blue, just like the one we saw with that little witch at the flower-viewing. I tried to stop her, but she ransacked the shrine and made off with the sacred orbs."

"I… I don't believe it…" breathed Reimu. "She took everything!"

"I'm sorry." SinGyoku couldn't think of anything else to say.

After a few seconds, Reimu abruptly stood up. "Oh, well, I'm sure she'll give them back if I ask nicely!" she said brightly.

"Wha…?" SinGyoku goggled at her. "Reimu, you can't just-! She'll kill you!"

"Nothing can kill me!" said Reimu fiercely. SinGyoku realised with a sinking heart that she meant business. "Did you see where the ghost went?"

"She went to Makai, but-"

"Then take me there! Quick!"

SinGyoku folded their arms. "I promised Akari I wouldn't let any harm come to you, and I don't plan to. Now come on, be reasonable! You have no weapons, you can't fly, you can barely use any of your powers… I won't let you go to your death."

"Wanna bet?" Reimu reached inside her kimono and pulled out a yin-yang orb.

SinGyoku's eyes narrowed. They took a step back and sunk into their fighting stance.

Reimu smirked and spun the orb on her finger. "All right, then, be that way. I warn you, though, people who get in my way always regret it!"


	2. Day 2: Games

**~Reimu Isn't So Great at Boxing~**

"Phantom Sign: Sword of Nightmares!"

"Heaven Sign: Starburst!"

Sanae and Youmu spun slowly through the air as they sent waves of bullets in all directions. A hundred flashing swords whirled past fiery blue stars, leaving the moon rabbits scrambling for cover.

Ringo yelped as a star bounced off her soft, round tummy. "Seiran, they're crushing us! Do something!"

"Like what?!" snapped Seiran, weaving desperately through a dozen swords.

"That new spell-card you got! Try it!"

"But I don't even know if-"

Seiran saw Sanae screaming towards her and dove out of the way. Sanae gave her a stinging smack on the foot, but Seiran's other foot found its mark and sent Sanae spiralling into the sky.

Youmu charged at Seiran with swords drawn. Ringo ploughed into her, forcing the air out of her lungs. Youmu grabbed Ringo's ears and swung her around.

"Aiyeeee! Stop! Stop it!" wailed Ringo, flailing helplessly.

"Well, since you asked!" Youmu flung Ringo up into the air.

As soon as she got her bearings, Ringo grabbed a handful of dango from her pocket and threw the chewy treats at Youmu. One, two, three balls of rice flour she slashed in half, but the fourth splatted right in her face. Youmu screamed as the berry sauce stung her eyes.

"YES!" Ringo punched the air. "Now, Seiran, finish them! I know you can do it!"  
Seiran whirled past a frog throw by Sanae and gripped her new spell-card. "Here goes… Legendary Arcanum: Danmaku Barrier!"

Thousands upon thousands of bullets exploded outwards. Youmu and Sanae had just a second to react before they were bowled off their feet by a wall of burning light. They plummeted helplessly and flopped down in a battered heap on the grass.

Seiran was screaming as the energy coursed through her body, sparking across her skin and almost setting her clothes on fire. None of her spell-cards had taken even a tenth as much power before.

Just as Seiran was reaching the end of her strength the spell-card stopped. All the bullets disappeared in a shower of blue and purple sparks. Seiran sank down in exhaustion.

"Oh, wow, that was amazing!" Ringo rushed over to hug the exhausted Seiran. "What kind of spell-card was that?! It was so…! So much!"

"Apparently it's one of the rarest spell-cards you can find," said Seiran, with a weary smile. "I had no idea it was going to be so intense!"

"Nor did we," Youmu and Sanae groaned in unison.

Seiran laughed guiltily.

"Where'd you get that spell, anyway? Did you make it yourself?" asked Sanae, propping herself up on her elbows.

"No, I bought it. From Reimu."

"From Reimu?!" repeated Youmu.

"Yeah! She's selling lots of cool stuff now!" declared Ringo.

"Cool… stuff?" repeated Youmu.

"Like spell-cards and things!" Ringo elaborated. "The prices aren't bad."

"Aren't bad?" repeated Youmu.

"Metal Gear?!" cried Sanae, doing a deep, gravelly voice.

An awkward silence followed.

* * *

"…And then it turned out the whole thing was just a simulation. Now, the next game chronologically was Metal Gear Solid 4, but Metal Gear Solid 3 came out before that. It was about Solid Snake's dad."

"You mean Solidus Snake?"

"Wh-?! No! It was Naked Snake!" Sanae's brow furrowed. "Or was it Venom Snake? Anyway, some people sent Snakey-boy the Elder into Russia to destroy another Metal Gear, which was actually the first one ever built. He met this woman who was actually two people, neither of which was his mentor who wasn't actually his mother-"

"I'm going to have to stop you there, Sanae."

"Huh? Why?!"

"Self-preservation," said Youmu, drawing an angry pout from Sanae.

They hiked the rest of the way in silence. They could see flags and bunting waving in the breeze as they neared the shrine, and a small crowd of visitors had gathered inside the torii.

"What's going on here?" Sanae elbowed her way to the front of the crowd, an anxious Youmu in tow. Reimu was standing proudly on the decking with a pile of wooden boxes. "Reimu, are you… Are you having a box sale?"

"Hm?" Reimu flinched guiltily. "Oh, Sanae! Hi! These are, um… I promise I haven't sunk to Kanako's level. Just- just hear me out, all right? These boxes are special, all right."

"Wh… What do you mean, 'sunk'?" Sanae glowered at Reimu.

"Oh, nothing… Anyway, these are no ordinary boxes!" said Reimu firmly. "These boxes, ladies and addition ladies, are LOOT-boxes!"

"Loot…?" said Sanae dumbfoundedly.

"Boxes…?" agreed Youmu.

"That's right! In each of these boxes is a super-special random prize!" Reimu launched into her marketing spiel. "It could be a powerful new spell-card, it could be a bomb, it could be a dozen power-up tablets or point biscuits! It could be a new mob-cap or a pair of thermal socks! It could even be a new one-liner for you to say when you win a duel! And what's more, for every ten loot-boxes you purchase, you'll get a free packet of instant noodles!"

"I'll buy one! I'll buy one!" squeaked Chen, running to the front of the shrine.

"All right! Two hundred mon, please," said Reimu.

Chen eagerly passed over a handful of coins. Reimu pocketed them and gave Chen a box.

"Yay!" squeaked Chen, tearing the ribbon off and opening up the box. Her face fell as she pulled out a single red amulet. "Awww… It's just a spell-tag."

Reimu began to sweat. "L-look, everyone! She's thrilled with her purchase!"

"No I'm not! It's a total ripmmmff-?!"

"Another happy customer!" laughed Reimu, her hand clamped over Chen's mouth. "These loot-boxes are selling like hot cakes, ladies and additional ladies, so don't delay! Buy yours today!"

A worried hubbub descended over the crowd.

"Excuse me," said Sakuya, "what are the odds of receiving a single spell-tag?"

Reimu laughed the laugh of a woman who knew the world was falling to pieces around her. "Um, a- a fair and, and sensible amount? Of odds?"

"Are there any other dummy prizes?" asked Narumi.

"No, of course not!" wailed Reimu.

Yuuka grabbed a loot-box off the decking and tore it open. She plucked a small scrap of paper from within and shook it angrily under Reimu's nose. "What's this?" she asked, her voice as sweet as honey laced with plastic explosives.

"That's… That wasn't supposed to be in there." Reimu ducked behind her donation box. "D-do you want a free packet of instant noodles as compensation? There's got to be some back here-"

Yuuka pounced on the box with a furious snarl and stomped it into splintered wreckage. She grabbed Reimu by the throat and hoisted her upright. "What have you got to say for yourself, thief?!"

Gasps of horror rose from the crowd. A few of the weaker youkai bolted into the trees.

Youmu grabbed Sanae's sleeve. Her heart was pounding. "Sanae, we have to do something!"

"Er… Um…" panicked Sanae. "What do you fancy? Fighting Yuuka or fighting Reimu? Or a whole angry crowd?"

Youmu gulped loudly. "Neither would be good!"

"Let me go! I- I'm warning you!" choked Reimu, reaching for her orbs.

"Not a chance. Reimu, you bad girl, I'm going to enjoy punishing you…!" hissed Yuuka.

"I'll buy two thousand," said a voice.

The newcomer's dulcet tones cut through the noise. The throng fell silent in a matter of seconds.

"Two thousand of your finest loot-boxes, please!" All eyes turned to Jo'on, who was weaving her way towards the shrine with bulging wallet in hand.

"H… Huh?" Reimu peered at her through bleary eyes. "Oh, right. Of course. Yuuka, could you put me down?"

* * *

"Needle… Common spell-card… One boot… Stockings… Point biscuit…" Jo'on scoffed down the square biscuit and sighed. There were still a hundred boxes to go. "Mob cap… Another common spell-card… Ooh, yay, Divine Virtues of Wind God!" She smooched the rare card, getting glitter and wet purple ink on her face.

"Right, what's next? Amulet… Paint brush… Common spell-card… Mob cap… Mob cap…"

"Um, Jo'on? Hello?"

Youmu and Sanae were clambering over the pile of empty boxes in the front garden. Jo'on barely glanced at them. "If you want some tea, ask Shion. Common spell-card… Piece of coal… Hair ribbon…"

Sanae cleared her throat and stepped forwards. "We've dealt with the Incident, if you were wondering."

"Wasn't wondering. Don't care. Needle… Frilly dress… Power tablet… Hm, the other boot. Point biscuit… Common spell-card…"

Youmu gave Sanae a hopeful look.

"The thing is," said Sanae, "Reimu didn't really want to start selling those box thingies. She was being blackmailed by an evil goddess from the Outside World who wanted to corrupt our spirits."

"One sandal… A pencil… Two nice-looking shells… Common spell-card… Handful of sand… Foldable katana…"

"She wanted to spread greed and cynicism to make herself stronger, but it turned out she was being manipulated by this businessman- a normal human businessman who'd seen Gensokyo in a dream and wanted to turn the place into a theme park," Sanae doggedly pressed on.

"Common spell-card… Common spell-card… Life piece… Hair ribbon… Tiny hat… Lump of copper…"

"Jo'on, we've had a really trying day!" Youmu piped up, flushing red with annoyance. "First we had to fight a squid, then we fought a chimera, then we had tea with a kitsune who tried to poison us, then the goddess showed up and tried to turn our hearts, then we fought all our worst fears inside our own heads-!" she took a deep breath.

"Point biscuit… Piece of coal… Amulet… Straw hat… Common spell-card…"

"Then we spent hours trying to book a train in this huge city called Nagoya, then we broke into a rectangular tower where everything was all white and shiny, then we fought dozens of evil cyborg youkai, then we had to wade through a bunch of tar pits, then Yuuka punched a giant robot in the face, then the businessman tried to drown us in molten titanium…! It ruined my shoes! Jo'on, doesn't that mean anything to you?!"

"Enchanted cape… Safety scissors… One grain of rice… Common spell-card… Needle… Common spell-card…"

Youmu groaned and slumped down on the pile of boxes. "Ohhh, forget it! Just forget it…"

"Common spell-card… Power tablet… Bomb piece… Bread roll… Shell… Little rag-doll…" Jo'on abruptly turned angry as she pulled out another sparkly purple spell-card. "What in the name of-?! Divine Virtues of Wind God AGAIN?! I don't believe this!" She tore the spell-card apart and scattered it on the wind. The scraps burned up as they fell, leaving trails of acrid purple smoke.


	3. Day 3: Friends

**~Author's Note~**

Today's story is about how friends stand up for each other. And stuff.

**~Shou's Bad Day~**

"Oh, no… Where is it, where is it?! Oh, where could it be?!" Shou was digging frantically through the hedges and flower beds around the Myouren Temple. "I know I left it here somewhere! We only have so much garden…"

"Are you getting anywhere?" Nazrin called out as she ran over, her dress stained with mud.

"No." Shou miserably shook her head.

"I'll try the wine cellar, then. I'm sure we'll find it sooner or later," said Nazrin. She gave Shou an encouraging smile, took off her shoes and jogged inside the temple.

"Yeah… I'm sure we will." Shou sighed heavily, shuffled sideways a couple of feet and started ransacking the begonias.

The hours went by with nothing in sight. Shou was done with the garden and halfway through the compost heap when she heard smug laughter from the road.

"Now, isn't that a sorry sight?" giggled Miko. "A scrawny little tiger grovelling for scraps in the mud! What's the matter, Shou? Lost your pagoda again?!"

"Wh-wha…?" Shou looked around until she found the small crowd of Taoists. "Um, no… I'm looking for Nazrin's handkerchief, actually."

"A likely story," sneered Seiga.

"Two'll get you ten she forgot to put a bra on!" Tojiko snorted.

"I'm hungry…" moaned Yoshika.

Shou rose angrily to her feet, sloughing off a small shower of soft brown loam and food scraps. "I did NOT forget my bra OR my pagoda! Look, I've got it right, um…" Shou's face whitened as she patted her empty pockets.

Shou laughed nervously. She took a step back. Then another. Then she plummeted off the compost heap and landed flat on her back. Four unfriendly faces loomed over her.

"Aw, is it time for a cat nap?" simpered Tojiko.

"No, no, she's showing us her tummy! That means she wants us to give her a pat!" said Miko insistently.

"Or an appendectomy!" giggled Seiga.

"Can I eat her?" said Yoshika hopefully.

"What?! No! I'm too young to be eaten!" wailed Shou.

"Poor little kitty…" said Tojiko, pouting with fake sympathy. She bent down and rubbed Shou's tummy. "Does-a poor wittle kitsy-witsy-woo want a saucer of milky-wilk?"

"Well, too bad! I lactate for no-one!" Miko howled with laughter.

Shou's face reddened. "Stop it! Stop it, you bunch of meanies! I'm warning you, I- I can remove a woman's head with just one hand…"

"Don't move!" grinned Miko, balancing her sword on Shou's nose.

"She'll move," giggled Seiga, slipping off Shou's shoe. "You're not ticklish, are you, kitty?"

"Aaaaauuugh!" screamed Shou, and she burst into tears. The sword somehow stayed upright.

Tojiko snorted. "Some Avatar of Bishamonten!"

"Let's see now…" Her tongue poking out from concentration, Miko lined her shaku up with her sword and balanced it on the hilt. "There we go! Perfect!"

"Please…" whimpered Shou. "Just leave me alone! What did I ever do to deserve this?!"

"Nothing much," said Seiga, tossing Shou's socks into a bush.

Yoshika gave her a dirty look. "She tore my arms off last week! Took me hours to sew them back on with the needle clamped between my lips."

"Well, then…" Seiga grabbed a feather and tickled Shou's left foot.

Shou let out a piercing scream. Caught between mirth and anguish, she laughed out loud and begged for mercy with tears streaming down from her eyes. The sword and baton fell down with a clatter.

Tojiko caught Miko's eye and grinned. "This is the life, isn't it?"

"You bet! She's such a pushover!" laughed Miko.

"Maybe I'll tickle under her arms, too," giggled Seiga. "Just got to get those sleeves off- OW!" Seiga felt a sharp bite on her ankle. Her face screwed up in agony.

Miko and Tojiko were instantly on the alert, eyes swiveling and spell-cards readied. Yoshika just stood there and dreamed of roast dinners.

"Get off! Get off!" shrieked Seiga, desperately shaking her leg. With blood running over her teeth and the ground repeatedly smacking against her, Nazrin hung on for dear life.

"The mouse?!" gasped Tojiko.

"She's no big deal. Get her!" yelled Miko, lunging at Nazrin.

Nazrin disengaged her teeth and ducked behind Seiga. Miko ploughed into her legs. Seiga sprawled on top of Miko, flattening her against the ground.

"Nazrin…!" breathed Shou. "Oh, Nazrin, you came for me!"

"Shou, what have they done to you?!" cried Nazrin.

"They balanced swords on my nose and tickled me! Oh, it was horrible…" Shou sniffled. "I never found that handkerchief. Nazrin, I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, Shou…" A lump rose in Nazrin's throat. "You mean more to me than a hundred handkerchiefs. You're my sister, Shou! I love you!" She turned her blazing eyes upon Tojiko and unsheathed her dowsing rods. "Do you hear me, you mean old Taoist?! Nobody hurts Shou! Begone, or face my wrath!"

Tojiko zapped Nazrin with lightning until she passed out.

"Nazrin! NO!" screamed Shou. The sight of her little mousie friend smouldering on the ground filled her with white-hot anger. She sprang towards Tojiko, snarling like a wild beast.

Shou struck Tojiko with a force that knocked the wind out of her and slammed her into the earth. Shou drew back a clenched fist, roared again and punched Tojiko in the face, bloodying her nose. She bared her teeth and lunged at Tojiko's throat. Her jaws snapped shut on thin air as Tojiko drifted straight through her.

Shou whirled around just in time to take a bolt of lightning in the face. She fell on her bottom with a plaintive yelp.

"Is your nose all right?" asked Miko, her face full of concern.

"I'll live." Tojiko wiped away some blood with her sleeve.

"In a manner of speaking!" Miko winked and picked up her sword. "Right then, time to put the cat out for the night."

"Come on, Yoshika! Show them what a jiang shi can do!" said Seiga brightly.

Yoshika sighed. "If I absolutely have to…"

Shou's heart was pounding. She knew four enemies was more than she could manage, but she was at least going to avenge Nazrin. She clenched her fists and tried to keep her knees from knocking while she stared down the Taoists.  
Without another word, Miko charged. She had not gone far when Byakuren's foot smacked into her earmuff.

Miko screamed as she hit the compost heap in a shower of nutritious soil. Byakuren somersaulted overhead and landed heavily in front of Shou. Minamitsu and Kyouko touched down either side of them, with anchor and broom at the ready.

"You?!" Miko's eyes widened. "It's too late for you, Byakuren! Nazrin is already dead!"

"No I'm not!" declared Nazrin. "Wish I was, though. That lightning really stings."

"Oh." Miko blushed.

Byakuren reached inside her pocket and pulled out a glowing orb with a pointy golden roof. Shou's heart leapt at the sight of her sacred pagoda.

"I found this on your bedside table. It wasn't anything important, was it?" Byakuren smiled and tossed the pagoda over to Shou.

"Oh, Byakuren, thank you!" cried Shou, catching the pagoda. Her face lit up as the golden light warmed her hands. All of a sudden there was no fear or doubt, just the light of Bishamonten throughout her body. In that moment, Shou seemed to grow a foot taller.

Tojiko and Seiga shrank back as they saw the gleam in Shou's eyes, but Miko held her ground. Yoshika wasn't quite sure what was going on, so she blew her nose on her hat.

"Ms Toyosatomimi," said Byakuren severely, "I'm not going to bother with the 'we can choose not to fight' speech, because you've never listened before and I don't think this time is going to be any different. And honestly, after what you did Nazrin-"

"That was Tojiko!"

"First of all, Tojiko is under your command and therefore your responsibility. Second of all, you were about to attack my closest partner and I'm going to make you eat those earmuffs." Byakuren took a deep breath. "Budhhists, advance!"

"Taoists, charge!"

The groups clashed in a frenzy of flailing fists and lightning-fast kicks. Miko's sword flashed through the air, tearing through cloth and skin without mercy. Tojiko hurled lightning far and wide. Byakuren fought with the strength of ten women, turning Miko's steel aside with her bare hands, and Shou managed to throw Seiga clean over the temple.

"Oh, no! Master!" Yoshika stopped chewing on Kyouko's ears and ran to retrieve her. With two warriors down, Miko and Tojiko soon felt the bitter taste of defeat. The bitter taste of well-worn earmuffs came shortly afterwards for Miko, who was going to have a very disturbed night.

* * *

Shou's stomach was fine thanks to a large bowl of rice and some steamed vegetables, but she still couldn't get to sleep.

"Byakuren?"

"Hmm?" Byakuren rolled over and propped her head up on one hand.

"I shouldn't have let them get the better of me." Shou sighed deeply and stared up at the ceiling. "Lord Bishamonten wouldn't have waited until he was flat on his back with a sword on his nose and a twin-tailed ghost tickling his feet…"

Byakuren ruminated on that for a moment, then she snorted loudly and embarked on a fit of the giggles.

"Is… Is it that funny? Really?"

"N-no! Of course not…!" Byakuren struggled to keep her face straight.

"I mean, I should've just kicked Miko in the face and gone for help! Instead, Nazrin got hurt and you all had to come and rescue us. I was weak, Byakuren," said Shou miserably. "I let you all down."

"Don't say that!" Byakuren seemed momentarily angry. "Yes, we went out of our way for you, but I know you'd do the same for any of us. And I know you wouldn't ask for anything in return, so don't worry about 'making it up to me' either."

"I would, but… I just feel like…" Shou sighed. "Some avatar of Bishamonten, aren't I?"

"Shou. Listen to me. You can train harder and learn how to cope with stressful situations, but there is NOTHING wrong with who you are right now. Come on, you're brave and strong and kind and gentle, and a hard worker to boot, and all the villagers and the juniour priests look up to you!" Byakuren's face softened. "Shou, don't ever start thinking you're a burden. All of us are so much better with you here."

"You… You are? Everyone in the temple?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wow…" Shou's lips curved upwards in a faint smile. "Thanks, Byakuren."

Byakuren said nothing. She just leaned over, draped her arm over Shou and hugged her until the morning came.


	4. Day 4: Family

**~Author's Note~**

A poem about the life and times of the Prismriver Ensemble. Theirs was a sad tale, but touching, but also a bit disturbing, but mostly sad. But also happy. Layla spent many happy years with her sisters, didn't she? All things must come to an end, but we should still celebrate them while they last.

**~Sister, Sister, Stay by my Side~**

Four tuneful sisters all played side by side.  
Folks came to hear them from lands far and wide.  
One played the keyboard and one violin,  
One played the trumpet. She made quite a din.  
One sister sang. Her sweet words were her art.  
They knew they were brilliant right from the start.  
Even an orchestra struggled to catch them.  
Conductors tried ever in vain to outmatch them.

The girls' biggest fan was their father, the count.  
He loved when they played and the fourth twirled about.  
Girls in that day weren't supposed to be skilful,  
But he gave them his trust, and the sisters were wilful.  
Merlin learned fencing and Layla learned physics.  
Lunasa was eager to read about how poets kept to a metre and rhyming scheme.  
And what of young Lyrica? She loved to party.  
She drank like a moose and her laughter was hearty.

Then Count Prismriver found something quite frightening:  
A fan from Japan dyed as blue as the lightning.  
The girls were afraid and they shrank from its touch,  
But the count was delighted. He loved it too much.  
A week saw the father a corpse in his bed.  
The girls burned the fan and no more words were said.  
What now for the Prisms? Their money grew thinner.  
A mansion was theirs, but they longed for their dinner.

Lunasa went west to seek fame as a playwright.  
Her letters to home were all hopeful and spelled right.  
No men deigned to trust her. She went for Plan B,  
To offer her fiddle and play for a fee.  
Instead she was given a part in a play.  
The last we all heard, she was cast as the maid.

Thus Merlin did shear all her silvery curls  
And set off down south to go diving for pearls.  
She married a seaman and no more did roam.  
Two sisters were left in their cold, empty home.

Lyrica hiked to the ends of the earth.  
No word came to Layla. She soon feared the worst.

Thus four became one and she lived in despair.  
No more was there music and song in the air.

Poor Layla just cried in the garden all day.  
Sometime she heard voices, but what could they say?

"Oh, please, dearest sisters! I need you!" she cried.  
"Don't leave me alone! Don't say that you've died!"  
_But you're not alone. We've been here all along.  
Don't cry, dearest Layla! You've done nothing wrong._

The first day of Spring came and Layla felt good.  
The kindly old gardener had left her some food.  
_Is it good? I don't want you starve all your life.  
You need to be brave and live on through this strife.  
Don't talk of starvation! It's such a nice day!  
Why don't the three of us go out and play?_

Though soon she'd be thirty, she liked the idea.  
Layla ran out and- "What brushed past my ear?!"  
_It's me, little sister! It's Merlin, of course!  
I just couldn't leave you. Those pearls are such bores.  
And Lyrica, too! I've grown sick of the wilds.  
I brought back some curry! Be warned, it's not mild!  
Don't overlook me! I should never have gone.  
Lunasa, a playwright?! It just sounds so wrong!_

Her joy overflowing, the youngest did sing.  
Her sisters all played and flew round in a ring.  
_I missed this so much! We were meant to be four!  
I want to be here with you all evermore!  
Do you want some cake? It's the sweetest you'll taste!  
Don't skimp on it, Layla! Don't care for your waist!  
We'll teach you to fly and to dance in the air!  
The party's just starting! Let's romp without care!_

_Her sisters could fly, but she saw nothing wrong,  
So Layla had fun with the ghosts all day long.  
They fed her the tastiest food she could eat.  
Lyrica even would massage her feet.  
What more could she want? She was happy and needless.  
The decades marched by, but the ghost-girls were heedless._  
Layla grew ancient. The end drew for she.  
One last kiss for her sisters, and then there were three.


	5. Day 5: Fantasy

**~Author's Note~**

We've all heard at least one fairy tale about Three Brothers. You know the drill: three brothers take turns to go on some sort of quest, but the eldest is a bit of a wanker, the middle brother loves the sound of his own voice and the quiet, unassuming younger brother turns out to be the one who actually succeeds. Well, this is not one of those stories. It's a Touhou fanfic. Any more questions?

I thought not. On with the fable!

**~The Three Little Vampires and the Hermit~**

Last Tuesday in a distant land, there lived two little vampires and one medium-sized vampire who had come for a sleepover. They lived happily in their big red house with a caring maid, a sleepy gardener and a librarian who wore only purple, knowing neither hunger nor fear.

On a morning like any other, the two little vampires and the one medium-sized vampire woke up to find the house quiet and empty. They didn't want to wake the gardener, so they crept downstairs and slinked into the dining room, but there was no breakfast waiting for them. There were no steaming bowls of miso soup, no scones dripping with cream and jam and no steamed rice piled high in its bowl.

The vampires were distraught. How would they ever survive when their tummies were empty? Flandre cried and Kurumi ran around in a blind panic, but Remilia came up with an amazing idea. They would make their own breakfasts.

Kurumi found a sack of flour and eggs in the pantry, so she set to work mixing up a batch of pancake batter. Flandre sawed up a loaf of brown bread and slathered it in butter, then she dusted the slices with sugar and drizzled them in lemon juice. Remilia roasted a chicken and seasoned it with pepper. After a couple of hours, the girls were all messy with honey and sugar and very satisfied indeed.

Once she was able to move again, Remilia decided to go and look for Sakuya. To her amazement, the silver-haired domestic servant was still in bed. Remilia climbed on top of the sleepy maid and gave her a vigorous shake.

Sakuya awoke with a tortured groan. "I don't think I can make you breakfast today, Milady…" she whispered.

"It's almost lunchtime, but go off I guess," said Remilia sympathetically.

"I'm afraid I do not feel so good," said Sakuya weakly. "I think it's the Black Death. Oh, Remilia, whatever will become of me?!"

Remilia was horrified. She ran downstairs and told her sisters the terrible news. They knew they could not let Sakuya pass away, but how would they cure her?

It was eventually decided that Remilia would set out to look for a cure. She packed a loaf of bread, some cheese, a flask of tea, some spare clothes, a bottle of sun cream, a diving suit, her parasol, a football, an alarm clock, her beloved teddy bear and some candyfloss in a rusty old wheelbarrow, which she gave to Meiling, and the two of them set off.

* * *

Remilia and Meiling trekked through the Forest of Magic. They hiked for an hour beneath the trees, over streams and past frolicking fairies, until they came to a mysterious house in a clearing.

Remilia knocked timidly on the door. After a few moments, an unexpectedly young and pretty witch opened it.

"Ooh! Hello there, dearie!" said the witch, trying and failing to sound venerable. "It's not often I get any visitors around these parts. Come in, come in! I'll have you for- I mean, um, I'll make you some tea!"

Remilia and Meiling followed the witch into her dining room, shoved some piles of books off the chairs and sat down. The wheelbarrow they left in the front garden, trusting that nobody would come and steal it. Marisa brought them piping-hot bowls of tea and sat down for a chat.

Remilia explained what had happened to her maid and begged Marisa for some help. Marisa thought about it for a few moments and decided to offer Remilia a deal.

"The truth is, these old bones aren't quite as strong as they once were," sighed Marisa, who had won the village arm-wrestling tournament on her twenty-second birthday last week. "I need a strong young lass like yourself to help out around the place. If you can weed the back garden and alphabetise my book collection, I'll give you an antidote for the Plague. If you should fail, I shall eat you and become immortal! Deal?"

Remilia was confident in her abilities, so she agreed without hesitation. She changed into her work-boots and dungarees, rolled up her sleeves and had a nap. Meiling sighed heavily and got to work.

An hour saw every last weed in Marisa's garden piled up on the compost heap. Remilia awoke to a tired, filthy, sweaty, fairly miffed Meiling shaking her out of her doze.

"The garden's done," declared Meiling. "Now I believe it's time for the books!"

"Of course! Just leave them to me!" said Remilia confidently.

"Help," whimpered Remilia, inspecting the four thousand books piled haphazardly in the spare bedroom.

They struggled valiantly, but Remilia and her companion managed only to line up two volumes of a trilogy in the proper order. As the sky grew dark, Marisa summoned Remilia to the kitchen, where she'd prepared a woman-sized pizza base dripping with tomato sauce and cheese.

"I hate to do this, dearie, but a bet's a bet." Marisa shoved an apple inside Remilia's mouth. "How should I cook you? Until golden-brown?"

Remilia desperately wracked her brains for a way out. She spat out the apple. "I'm, um, best served with tartare sauce? You should go out and buy some!"

Marisa shook her head. "Thank you, but I already have a jar. Now, if you'd care to lie down on the pizza base, I'll see if I've got a carving knife-"

Meiling hit Marisa over the head with a shovel, grabbed Remilia by the shoulders and carted her back home.

* * *

The following morning, Kurumi set out with a backpack full of food and survival gear, which she gave to Patchouli. After twenty agonisingly slow steps they came to the front gate, at which point Kurumi decided to carry Patchouli.  
It was slow going with Kurumi so encumbered, but she soon came to the ramshackle house in the clearing. Marisa met her with a face full of green make-up and a bandage on her head.

Marisa invited the travellers in for tea. Patchouli rather conveniently woke up in time to drink hers. Kurumi told the witch about their dilemma and how her elder sister had already tried and failed to find the cure, at which point Marisa smiled slyly.

"I'm sorry to hear about your sister, dearie," she declared. "I might be able to help you, however! If you alphabetise all my books and knit me a new pair of socks by sunset, I'll give you the cure for the plague. On the other hand, if you don't succeed…" Marisa licked her lips, smearing the green lipstick.

Kurumi got the message, but what other choice did she have? She accepted the witch's bargain.

Patchouli had been listening eagerly since she heard the word "books". She took Kurumi firmly by the hand and all but dragged her upstairs.

"Right," said Patchouli, her eyes shining, "we'll start by stacking up the books according to the first letter of the author's name! You take A and B, I'll do the rest. Move! Move! Move!"

Kurumi frantically rifled through the piles of books. Occasionally an A or a B would show up and she'd deposit it on the appropriate stack. Patchouli was a blur, moving thousands of books a second with only the occasional pause for breath. Kurumi had never seen her like that before. The cure was as good as theirs.

The next morning, Marisa found Kurumi and Patchouli curled up under a blanket in the spare room. Walls upon walls of books stretched out around them, all in perfect alphabetical order. It was an awe-inspiring sight.

Out of gratitude, Marisa made the travelers some bacon and eggs for breakfast. Still exhausted from the previous night's exertions they wolfed their meals down. Once she judged that enough time had passed to avoid seeming presumptuous, Kurumi broached the subject of her payment.

"Oh, of course, the cure! I daresay you've earned it," smiled Marisa. "Just one thing, though. Where's my pair of socks?"

Kurumi turned to Patchouli. "Go on, give her the socks!"

"Socks?" said Patchouli nervously. "But Kurumi, the socks were your job!"

"Oh, dear." Marisa sighed with unconvincing regret. She grabbed a box of sage and onion stuffing from under the table and took a handful. "Would you mind taking your bloomers off?"

"Wh-what?! No!" yelped Kurumi. "You can't eat me! Patchouli, do something!"

Patchouli thought for a moment and set the house on fire.

* * *

Meiling and Patchouli had their work cut out nursing the severely burned Kurumi back to health, so Flandre was on her own when she began her journey the following morning. It would be her first trip outdoors without Remilia or Sakuya by her side, but she was determined to do her very best. She packed an apple, some shears and a yo-yo in a small bag and headed out through the forest.

After an hour's walk, Flandre came upon a clearing full of charred, smouldering wreckage. A woman was crying on the blackened stone doorstep, her head in her hands.

Flandre sat down beside the witch and put an arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Hm?" Marisa looked up. Her eyes would have been red and puffy if they weren't a faded greyish-green instead. "Oh, hello… Some good-for-nothing librarian burned my house down, as you can see. Now I've got nothing. Won't you please help me build another house from stuff that doesn't burn?"

Flandre thought about it. "I wish I could help you, but there's something I really have to do. My maid is dying of the Bubonic Plague and I'm the youngest sister, so if I don't find the cure, nobody will!"

Marisa's face lit up. "I know how to cure the plague! If you help me build a house I'll give you the cure within the hour!"

"Really…?" Flandre was suspicious. "You won't try to eat me if the house doesn't turn out that good, will you?"

"No, of course not! Cross my heart and hope to die!" said Marisa earnestly.

"All right, then! It's a deal!" Flandre stood up and stretched. "To start with, we need to clear up the wreckage." She focused her power on the burned corpse of the previous house. It vanished in a puff of red smoke. "There we go!"

Marisa stared at the empty flat area where her house had been, then at Flandre.

Flandre just smiled. "Right, then, I'll go and quarry some stone. Can you take care of the cement?"


	6. Day 6: Danmaku

**~Note from Toyosatomimi no Miko~**

Dear reader,

There was recently a fracas involving myself, three of my allies and a group of Budhhists. People on Both Sides did things they would later turn out to regret, but public opinion has, as per usual, shifted in favour of the vegetarian youkai-loving crowd. Through no fault of his own, the young scribe writing these stories fell for the Myouren Temple's propaganda and wrote a heavily-biased and inaccurate version of the incident based on Shou Toramaru's account.

I reached out to Aardvark123 in order to clear up some misconceptions about the Taoists; namely, that we are all arrogant bullies who say "ohohohoho~!" and use tickling as a method for conquest, and that we lost the fight. The result was actually a tie. It is true that Byakuren force-fed me my earmuffs, but I succeeded in shoving that ridiculous straw hat up her nose shortly afterwards.

The following story has been fact-checked by Hieda no Akyuu and is an accurate representation of me and my companions. A little artistic license has been employed, but not so much as to mislead the reader. I hope you enjoy it. Now, um, what was that phrase the scribe used to keep using which he thought made him sound cool…? Oh, yes. On with the story!

**~Do I Have to Spell it Out For You?~**

"Futo, you brought the amulets, didn't you?"

Futo nodded and held up a sack of paper charms.

"Lovely. Tojiko, how are we for provisions?"

"Six peanut butter sandwiches, as promised."

"Good show!" Miko vaulted over the rusted gate. "Keep an eye out for the phantom and don't touch anything. All right, follow me!"

Futo stepped over the gate. Tojiko drifted through it. They ran/floated quickly down the overgrown path in Miko's wake and stopped in front of the Forbidden Pagoda.

Miko kicked through the half-rotten doors, spilling splintered planks onto the cracked floor. She drew her sword and set it aglow with a warm yellow light, turning the dark, cluttered hallway into a patchwork of shadows and faint light.

Futo gasped as something crunched under her feet. She looked down in amazement at a pile of broken pottery in the middle of the floor.

"Now, Lady Sato told us there were sixteen floors in this tower, so we'll have to fight our way through two floors an hour if we want to be done in time for dinner. Are you up for it?" asked Miko.

Futo groaned. "Thou settled upon a fine moment to reveal this detail, O Prince… I hath a date with the fair Lady Kumoi."

"You'll live," said Tojiko. "I brought enough food, right?"

"Aye," sighed Futo. "Dost thou feel she wilt understand mine dilemma?"

"Nope!" smiled Tojiko.

The trio made sure to check all the rooms as they crept down the hallway. Tojiko was almost disappointed by the lack of ghosts to fight. Futo tested the first flight of stairs with a plate and stepped slowly up to the second floor.

"It is safe," whispered Futo.

As soon as the words had fallen from her lips, blinding white light filled the room. Futo yelped and covered her eyes.

"Futo! What happened?!" Miko ran up the stairs. She cried out as she full force of the light met her eyes, searing a yellow afterimage onto her eyelids. "Oh, my gods! Put it out! Put it out!"

The light faded to a soft white glow. Futo and Miko's vision returned after a few seconds.

"I don't know what you two were complaining about. It's not that bright…" said Tojiko, emerging from the stairway.

They were standing at the end of a long, wide hallway lined with torn paper walls. The white glow seemed to come from everywhere, casting no shadows and leaving no bright patches. Futo's skin turned eerily white as she stepped away from the stairs.

"Well, this is weird," Tojiko bravely declared.

"Those boys said they saw a white light coming from in here, didn't they?" said Miko. "Maybe the phantom's scared of the dark."

"What a strange thought," said Futo.

Miko cupped her hands over her mouth. "Yoo-hoo! Hey, ghost, we're here to exterminate you! As in duel you and take you home for tea! Come out, come out wherever you are!"

A tall woman dressed all in white drifted down through the ceiling. Her greasy black hair hung over her eyes and waved slowly as if caught in a breeze.

"Didn't think that would work," muttered Tojiko.

"We've been hearing some complaints about you, ghost woman," said Miko, ignoring Tojiko magnificently. "Trespassing, rattling wind chimes, stealing jam tarts… Does any of that ring a bell?"

The phantom opened her mouth to respond, but all that escaped was a long, low moan like a gale blasting through the pagoda. The hall grew a mile wide, a mile high and two miles long, leaving the startled Taoists in midair.

The phantom smiled. A bright white orb formed between her outstretched hands and drifted forwards.

"Here it comes…" Miko raised her sword. "Get ready, sisters!"

An ethereal golden teapot formed above Tojiko's head and there was no more time for words. The white orb rocketed towards the teapot. Tojiko dove aside, the orb sparking against her tails as it flew, but the teapot teleported a split second too soon.

Miko felt a sudden warmth around her knees. She looked down in some alarm to see the teapot hovering behind her. The orb was screaming towards her knees. She shot upwards. "Futo! Move!"

Futo moved, just in time to fly through the teapot as it materialised in front of her. The taste of tea pulsated through her soul, then the orb smacked into her head with a decisive pichuuu~n.

"Are you all right?!" cried Tojiko.

Futo groaned and rubbed her nose. "I shall be fine…"

A dozen deep blue orbs popped into the air around the phantom. She moaned again and hurled them forth. The golden teapot shattered in a burst of sparks, leaving the white orb at a bit of a loose end.

The blue orbs were screaming towards the Taoists. "Dive!" shouted Miko, launching herself towards the distant floor.

The orbs streaked overhead. The white sphere shot into the sky as they drew close. It soared out through the hallway, the blue orbs in hot pursuit.

Futo looked at Miko. "Hast thou any theory on what may be afoot?"

"I don't know…" Miko's eyes widened as the white sphere arced back around and started coming towards them. "Heads up, you two!"

The trio wove between the rushing blue orbs. They barely had time to react, so fast were the bullets, but they came through unscathed.

"I'll fix her," snarled Tojiko. "Thunder Arrow: Gagouji's Tornado!"

Zigzagging bolts of lightning fanned out from Tojiko's sparking hands. The phantom just sat there, motionless, as the lightning fizzled past her. A bolt eventually struck her, eliciting a piercing shriek of pain.

The ghost's glowing orbs trembled in the air. The white sphere turned abruptly and rushed towards the blue swarm. It struck an orb, shattering it into hundreds of glowing shards that quickly turned blood-red.

Miko cried out in pain as a shard struck her chest.

"Beware, sisters! These shards are bullets!" Futo warned her a couple of seconds late.

The white orb smashed through two more blue spheres in quick succession. The Taoists braced themselves for the tide of crimson shards and wove deftly through it. A shard tore a hole in Futo's sleeve.

"I have a plan! Get under my cape!" Miko ordered. A slightly confused Futo and Tojiko dove under the garment just as three more blue orbs bit the dust and thousands of bullets poured towards them.

"Hermit Sign: Emperor of the Land of the Rising Sun!"

A wave of golden light pulsed out from Miko, overwhelming the crimson bullets with ease. The light burned like the sun. Huddled behind their friend, Futo and Tojiko found themselves sweating from the heat.

When the light cleared, all the blue orbs were gone and the phantom was curled protectively around the white one. She hissed angrily when she caught sight of Miko and tossed the white orb up over her head.

The white orb flashed three times and grew dim as three smaller orbs materialised around it. One was yellow, one was green and one was sky-blue. The phantom raised her arms and roared.

The blue orb surged forwards, throwing teardrop-shaped bullets in all directions. The yellow orb shot blazing spears of yellow light through the barrage. The green orb hung back and spat out a slow-moving web of electricity.

"Is she making fun of us?" Tojiko did not look best pleased.

"She'd better not be." Miko's muscles tensed as the bullets drew near. "All right, follow my lead! I can see a way through-"

A blue bullet struck Miko in the knee. Futo dove to catch her and took a yellow spear in the face. Tojiko wove desperately towards them but the web of lightning caught her, zapping her until her hair stood on end.

The phantom laughed triumphantly. Energy poured out of the coloured spheres and into her chest. Above her head, the golden teapot reappeared.

"Yes, Tojiko, I do believe she's making fun of us…" groaned Miko. "Are you two all right?"

"I am fine," said Futo bravely.

"I'll live…" said Tojiko.

"All right, then. Charge!"

"What?!"

"You heard me!" Miko launched herself at the yellow orb. She raised her sword, bellowed a fearsome battle-cry and cut the orb in half. It burst in a shower of yellow stars.

Tojiko could hardly believe it worked, but she wasn't about to complain. The twin-tailed ghost charged the green orb and zapped it until it exploded.

Futo took aim and threw a plate at the blue orb. It bounced off and sent Tojiko's hat tumbling downwards. Ignoring the angry tirade, Futo summoned Ame no Iwafune and shot forwards. The orb burst on the boat's wooden prow.

"Good work, sisters! Now let's get her!" suggested Miko.

"Give me a moment, will you?!" Tojiko was still flying after her hat.

Miko breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "You're ready, right, Futo?"

"Aye. If we surround this phantom, we should be able to, um…" Futo paused. To her amazement, the ghost was crying into her phantasmal teapot. "Hold on. Why would she cry at a moment such as this?"

"Obviously she's trying to lull us into a false sense of security! Come on, Futo, you know better than this!" said Miko urgently.

"No! Crown Prince, this maketh no sense!" Futo took a deep breath. "The teapot. The orb chasing the teapot. The orbs chasing the first orb. The first orb retaliating. And then more orbs, based upon ourselves, that allowed the phantom to regain her teapot… I believe she is trying to speak unto us!"

"You… You do?" Miko's eyebrows rose. "About what, exactly?"

"I… Perhaps the white orb representeth the ghost, and the dark blue orbs… The villagers she slew? In which case, the tea pot should represent…"

"Something she wants us to give her!" said Tojiko, reemerging between her friends. "Those three orbs weren't her making fun of us, they were her way of asking for a favour!"

"But what?!" cried Miko.

"The crockery I did step on!" squeaked Futo. "By Jove, the phantom desireth her teapot! Forsooth, without it she shall never be able to rest!"

"YES! YES! You got it! Finally!"

The Taoist trio started at the phantom's shout.

"I was going nuts waiting for you to figure it out! I mean, come on, that last spell-card was _sooooo_ obvious! Anyone could've worked it out from that." The stringy-haired phantom was drifting towards them. Her voice was normal apart from a slight echo. "Yes, as a matter of fact I am a vengeful spirit, here 'cause my _stupid_ sister broke my favourite teapot. Your job is to put it back together!"

Miko looked at Tojiko. Tojiko looked at Futo. Futo looked at Miko.

"I didn't bring any glue," said Miko nervously.

"We'll use the peanut butter," Tojiko decided.


	7. Day 7: Music

**~Song of the Sleepy Gardener~**

Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Hoah! Hoah! Hragh!  
Ahhhhhhh… Ahhhhhhhh…  
Ahhhhhhhhhhh… Ahhhhhhhhhhh…!

Hong Meiling! Hong Meiling! Her honour is the thing  
Which compels her to keep Taisui Xingjun at bay!  
Monsters flee from the light when they see her take flight!  
Hong Meiling, please wake up, you've missed half of the day!

Harken now, vampire girls, to a tale seldom heard,  
Of the one, who is good, at tai chi!  
Who is kin, to both wyrm, and generic youkai.  
No-one else, can be stronger, than she!

But the Sages foretold of a catfish so bold,  
That when sisters crossed spell-cards all day,  
Would descend from the stars with such wrath in its heart  
That no-one could stand up to its rage!

But a night shall soon fall when she'll know of its call,  
And she'll duel for the sake of the world!  
Gensokyo shall be free from the heartless Taisui!  
Hong Meiling, be the saviour of all!

With her qi, she shall fight, on that glorious night  
When calamity marches through dreams!  
Rainbows shine, bold and bright! She can punch out his lights!  
Make the world once again safe and clean!

Hong Meiling! Hong Meiling! Her honour is the thing  
Which compels her to keep Taisui Xingjun at bay!  
Monsters flee from the light when they see her take flight!  
Hong Meiling, please wake up, you've missed half of the day!


	8. Day 8: Religion

**~Author's Note~**

I'm quite proud of these. Enjoy.

**~Drabbles of Praise~**

It was a soggy, rainy day, so Sanae went out to jump in puddles.

"Wheeee!" giggled Sanae, making a huge splash. "Thanks, Kanako! That puddle was great!"

She jumped in a muddier one, staining her stockings deep brown. "Ooh, wow! You outdid yourself here, Suwako!"

"Oh, Kuraokami, you shouldn't have!" she added as she danced around in the muddy water.

Sheltering in the shrine, Kanako scowled. "Where's she get off thanking him? I'm the storm goddess around these parts…"

Suwako shrugged. "I don't mind. Although," she sighed, picking up some discarded frog shaped wellies, "I wish she wouldn't forget these."

* * *

That cold day was also Minoriko's birthday, and she came home from waterproofing crops to the warm, homely smell of baked goods.

A cake was on the table. Minoriko's eyes lit up. "Oh, Shizuha, you shouldn't have!"

"Come on, I know we argue sometimes, but we're sisters! I love you!" Shizuha kissed Minoriko's freckled cheek. "Go on, try a slice!"

Minoriko tried a slice. It tasted like sweet potatoes.

"It's good!" gushed Minoriko. "I didn't know you baked, though."

Shizuha laughed. "I don't! But you know what? Fake it 'till you cake… No, cake it till you… bake it? Oh, nuts."

* * *

"We're goddesses, right?"

"We are."

"Then why does nobody like us?" pondered Jo'on.

Shion raised her eyebrows. "Gee, I don't know… Because we bring misfortune?"

"It feels wrong," sighed Jo'on. "People should be fearing us, bowing before us, doing everything we say because we'll torture them for eternity if they don't! That'd be the life…"

"Sister, we're not that type of goddess. I keep telling you, we're not almighty supreme beings who rule over all, we're kami! Natural spirits who embody concepts!" snapped Shion. "I mean, it's almost as if we shouldn't be viewed through the lens of western religion…"

* * *

"I've been wondering," said Ichirin, pushing aside her drink, "what exactly is the Tao?"

"Hmmm…" Futo finished her raspberry torte while she pondered. "How can I put this? The Tao is a path. The Way, it was once called, and we follow it through virtue, meditation, harmony with nature and working towards spiritual immortality."

Ichirin's eyes widened. "But Budhhism is also a path involving meditation, virtuous behaviour, harmony with nature and the quest for nirvana!"

"Really?" cried Futo "Then why do we fight?!"

"Because Taoists don't care what Byakuren has to say and Budhhists don't live the way Miko wants…"

* * *

"Brought you a drink."

Reimu deposited a bowl of wine on the altar and bowed. When she looked up, nothing had happened.

"I hope you're all right in there," Reimu said to the empty, lifeless altar.

"Gensokyo hasn't been destroyed, if you were wondering. I'm well. Marisa's got an ear infection, though…"

"Am I just talking to myself? Nobody's ever seen you." Reimu sighed. "What am I doing here? Dusting the same decking, dancing the same dances… Am I just a marionette, going through an eternal routine?!"

Inside the orb nestled in Reimu's pocket, Mima struggled not to laugh.


	9. Day 9: Monster

**~Author's Note~**

There are monsters and then there are monsters. Sometimes the monsters look just like you and me. Sometimes the monsters are Touhou fans who don't have any respect for the world or the characters. And sometimes, very rarely, the people of Gensokyo fight back.

**~This One Might be a Bit Creepy, so Read With Caution~**

_My name is Gary de Sade. Reducing women to blubbering wrecks is my hobby, and my goal is to accomplish this feat seven times in one week. For posterity's sake, I have decided to write a chronicle of my travels in Gensokyo, the diversions I sought therein and the women whose days I ruined._

_If you have some kind of moral objection to my pastimes, all I can suggest is that you learn to cope. I care little for the comfort of other people, women least of all. Do not expect me to give up my pleasure for some pitiful notion of "kindness" or "decency"._

**Monday**

_I decided to start small with my first endeavour. I snuck into the house of Marisa Kirisame and earned her trust by polishing her shoes, whereupon she allowed me to borrow her alchemical supplies. With those not-altogether-unimpressive resources behind me I was able to brew a bucket's worth of powerful adhesive, more than enough to immobilise one of the locals._

_I was not willing to ruin the rapport I had with Marisa just then, so I took the glue out into the forest and poured it out onto the path. Sooner or later, a traveller was bound to walk into my trap._

* * *

"I don't believe this." Yuuka prodded the pool of glue with her umbrella. A long, sticky strand clung to the metal tip as she raised it. "Who would be stupid enough to spill sticky stuff in the middle of the road and not tell anybody?"

"I don't know," said Wriggle, with a shrug. "Someone's probably messing around."

Yuuka looked up and down the compacted forest track, but she could see nothing suspicious. "Well, somebody needs to clean it up. And in the absence of anybody else, it looks like 'somebody' is the two of us. Can you run home and fetch me a bar of soap?"

"Okay!" Wriggle turned on her heel and sprinted down the path. About halfway to the Garden of the Sun, she remembered that she could travel much faster in the air.

Yuuka sat down beside the path and winced as a sharp stone pricked her. Something was rustling in the undergrowth behind her, but she paid it no heed. It was probably just a fox or something.

**Tuesday**

_I must admit that I have underestimated the inhabitants of this realm. Apparently a simple glue trap is not enough for my purposes. To add insult to injury, the green-haired woman did not notice the thumb-tack I placed beneath her bottom. If such pain tolerance is the norm in here, it does not bode well for my plans._

_Today's little escapade will involve a trip to the Human Village. I intend to slip into the book-rental shop and set light to the contents, driving the shop girl to despair. I can hardly wait to watch her bawl her eyes out._

* * *

A bell dinged as the door to Suzunaan swung open. Kosuzu looked up from the monthly manga serial she'd propped against the ledgers and smiled. "Hello, there! Welcome to Suzunaan!"

"Do you have any books on farming?" The newcomer spoke with single-minded urgency. He was tall and unhealthily pale, but Kosuzu wasn't about to let that get to her.

"Of, course, sir! We have plenty!" declared Kosuzu. "What crops are you thinking of growing? I can sell you some paper as well, in case you want to take notes-"

"Rice," said the newcomer firmly. "I'm going to farm a bunch of rices. So run along to the basement and fetch me the book, would you?"

"...It's right here." Kosuzu bent down and pulled out a thick volume from the bookshelf on her right. She laid it down on the counter with a heavy thump. "This is the complete guide to every known variety of rice! All the farmers swear by it!"

"Shit," the newcomer muttered.

Kosuzu's jaw dropped. "What?!"

"I said 'this is it'! The perfect book for me! Thank you!" the stranger ground out. "I suppose I'd better settle up. Let me just get me card-wallet... Oh, whoops, a lit match came out of my pocket!"

The match fizzled out with a puff of smoke as it hit the floor.

The stranger began to sweat. "Um..."

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" screamed Kosuzu. She vaulted over the counter, grabbed the stranger by she shoulders and wrestled him out onto the street. "You idiot! Don't you know this is a bookshop?! Don't ever darken my doorstep again!"

**Wednesday**

_I am not pleased with myself. One match is such an unreliable vector to commit arson it is no wonder I failed, and the only one crying was me. Those dirt roads are harder than they look. On the plus side, Marisa made a vegetable stir-fry for breakfast today, and it was delicious. Not as delicious as a helpless woman's tears, but still._

_Today I am going to attempt a different tactic. I have heard of a pink sparrow living somewhere in Gensokyo, knowing only fear of a stronger youkai having her for dinner. I wish not to see her devoured, but playing on those fears surely could not hurt..._

* * *

Mystia had a thumping headache. Rocking out until well past midnight could have that effect, she knew, but it still hurt. Her throat was parched, too. There was nothing else for it; she was going to have to open her eyes and start doing things.

The warm afternoon sun burned Mystia's retinas, but as she grew accustomed to the light she realised she was standing up. She had never been able to sleep on her feet before.

Mystia yawned and stretched out her arms. She felt a pull on her wrists, then something snapped behind her. She whipped around in alarm and found herself face-to-face with a tall wooden pole.

"Well, I never..." Mystia noticed the torn pieces of rope trailing from her wrists. "Is someone having a laugh?! Who tied me up?!" She noticed a shaggy-haired silhouette skulking behind a tree and ran over to it. "Did you tie me to that big stick?!"

The stranger's jaw dropped. He gasped the righteous gasp of an innocent man defending himself from the most craven, outrageous lie. "My dear lady, in the sun goddess's name, you must believe me! I am an innocent, harmless traveler who would never tie anyone up! I did nothing to you!"

"Really?" Mystia tilted her head to one side. "If you say you're innocent, prove it, wolf-boy! Take me on!"

"You want me to take you on?" The stranger gulped. "With those spell-card thingies you people keep talking about? Ah, well, you see..."

"Take... on... me! Take on me! Take... me... on! Take on me! I'll... be... gone! I don't know the rest OF the words!" Mystia squeaked, following the tune with partial accuracy.

The stranger took the opportunity to make a wise decision. He scarpered.

**Thursday**

_Up until yesterday afternoon, I had been under the impression that only upper-echelon youkai possessed such superhuman strength. If all youkai are that strong, my choice of victims will be severely limited. I wonder whether the glue trap I attempted on Monday would have worked even if a youkai stepped in it. Would she simply have strode across it without difficulty?_

_There are humans in this land as well, however, and surely not all of them can be as fierce as that book-lender. My target today is to be a weak, prissy, helpless little maid who has spent all her life working in great houses. The intel Marisa gave me as I plied her with sake last night could be the key to my success..._

* * *

"Hey, you!"

Sakuya's body language did not show any surprise. She turned on her heel and looked the stranger in the eye. "Can I help you?"

The pale man smiled wickedly. "You wear pads!"

"I... What?!"

"You heard!" the stranger smiled smugly.

"I don't understand! What is...? Why...?" Sakuya cleared her throat. "What do you mean by 'pads'?"

"Padding," the stranger clarified, "in your bra. Because you're embarrassed by your diminutive mammaries!"

"...Listen. I wear a chemise, not a bra. And you have no right to approach me, a complete stranger, and try to strike up a conversation about my body!"

The stranger folded his arms. "Chemise or not, you still wear pads. You see, Sakuya, I know what lies deep inside your heart. When you look into your mirror, you can't bear what you see. A woman as flat as a panca-"

Cold steel pressed against the stranger's neck. He clammed up in an instant.

"Sir, you've gone too far," hissed Sakuya. Her face was right by the stranger's ear. He could feel her unexpectedly warm breath. "The mistress doesn't like intruders or weirdoes, and neither do I. Incidentally, I can't remember a single day when I haven't been satisfied with my body. Give me one reason not to kill you."

"Um, y-you might get sent to prison? For murder?" the stranger whimpered.

Sakuya pondered that for a few moments. Nobody in the Human Village would be in any hurry to arrest her, she knew, but did she want even more blood on her hands after giving Flandre a bath?

"Would you like me to escort you from the building?" offered Sakuya.

The stranger sagged with relief. "Oh, could you?! I-I'd love that! Please do! Escort away!"

"As you wish." Sakuya loosened her grip a little and began frogmarching him down the hall.

**Friday**

_I am beginning to lose hope. Why do none of these women know how to lose gracefully? By rights, more than a dozen should have shed tears of despair by this point, but instead they fight me and humiliate me at every turn. I deserve better than to be a chew toy._

_There is one plan I have yet to try. Marisa has taken good care of me this past week, even believing my cover story when Meiling pushed me through the letter box yesterday afternoon, but she is still a woman, and her tears are mine. Tonight, while she slumbers, I shall clap her in irons and-_

"Hey!"

Gary shut his diary with a snap. "Who?! What?! I-I wasn't plotting anything, I swear!"

"Sakuya told me everything, Gary," said Marisa severely. Her hat fell off as she stepped through the narrow door to the spare room.

"Then she came and told me," said Reimu, catching Marisa's hat. "What were you thinking, breaking into the mansion while not being a witch?!"

"There's a perfectly reasonable explanation!" cried Gary. "Which is as follows! You see, I have a psychological disorder known as Mansion Invader Syndrome-"

"Hey, what's this?" Marisa grabbed the diary and started flicking through it.

"No! D-don't!" yelped Gary. "You don't want to see what's in there! Please!"

Marisa ignored him. Her expression grew more and more horrified with every page she read.

"What's he written in there?" Reimu took a glance over Marisa's shoulder. Her eyes widened. "Oh, my gods... You vile, twisted monster!"

Gary exploded. "Come on, give me a break! I didn't ask to be like this! I just love it when women cry! All I've ever done is treat you and all your friends as my playthings! What's wrong with that?!"

Reimu chucked a yin-yang orb at him. His body was never found, although Rumia was reported to have spent the afternoon sleeping off a huge meal.


	10. Day 10: Night

**~Duress of Sleepy Sorceress~**

"Oh, Hecatia, your body intoxicates me…" crooned Marisa. She moaned as she nuzzled the goddess's slender neck.

Hecatia was trembling as Marisa crawled over her. "Be gentle with me! I don't want my heart bursting from sheer pleasure!"

"Don't worry about that, my sweet." Marisa winked seductively. "Mutual consent and cooperation are my middle names!"

"Ahhh…!" Hecatia's face reddened. "Make me a woman, Marisa!"

* * *

"Marisa? Marisa, are you sleeping?" asked Reimu. The wooden bedframe creaked as she sat down. "Hey, Marisa? Hello?!"

"Mmmh…" sighed Marisa. "Hecatia, you taste so good."

"WAKE UP!" barked Reimu.

Marisa bolted upright with a yelp. She looked around the room in a panic until her eyes met Reimu's. "Jeez Louise, what happened?!"

"Are you awake?" asked Reimu.

"No, I'm riding a unicycle with a watermelon on the tip of my nose. What is it?!"

"I can't sleep either," sighed Reimu, slipping under the quilt beside Marisa. "It was going to well today. I took a nap after breakfast, snoozed through the afternoon and went to bed after I had dinner, but now I'm wide awake and I don't know what to do!"

Marisa held Reimu's gaze for all of five seconds, then she stuffed her head under the pillow. _Give me strength_, she prayed silently.

"Marisa? Come on, don't go to sleep on me!" Reimu shook Marisa by the shoulders. "I need help! I don't want to be awake all night!"

"Just let me sleep," grunted Marisa, her voice muffled by the pillow. "Try counting how many planks there are in the ceiling if you're bored. Now, were were we?…"

* * *

Marisa was screaming in terror as she ran through an endless forest. Junko was coming ever closer behind her, making the earth shake with every gigantic step she took. There was no chance of her escaping.

"Why did I sleep with Hecatia?!" wailed Marisa. "I could've kept my nose clean, but no, I had to go and sleep with a vengeful spirit's wife… Why does this always happen to meeeeEEEEE-?!"

A house-sized hand took hold of Marisa and lifted her up to eye level. Marisa practically wilted as Junko's orange eyes burned into her.

"Eheh…" nervously laughed Marisa. "Best out of three?"

Junko squeezed her until the pain was too much to bear.

* * *

Marisa awoke to a heavy weight was pressing down on her stomach. Her heart was still racing. She sat up in a panic and shoved the warm, heavy lump to one side.

"Stop it… You're comfy," moaned Reimu, draping herself back over Marisa.

"Wha-? Don't just use me as a pillow!" snapped Marisa. "Jeez, I'm all sweaty now. Can you stop being so warm?"

Reimu hugged her a little tighter.

"Fine, be that way." Marisa lay back. "Are you having any more luck sleeping?"

"Not really," said Reimu morosely.

Marisa sighed. "Well, try to relax. You'll be all right."

"I'm going to be so tired in the morning…"

"I'll make sure you stay awake, then."

"You- you don't mean all day, do you?" said Reimu worriedly.

Marisa smiled mischievously. "I'll aim for most of it! Don't worry, you'll be really tired by tomorrow night."

No answer came from Reimu, although she did cry a little. Marisa fell asleep a few minutes later and dreamed she was a pot plant.


	11. Day 11: Animals

**~This is Why You Need Drainage Ditches~**

On a rare rainy morning in June, Reisen woke up to a bouncing bunny turning her bed into an earthquake simulator.

"Aaugh…" Reisen half-groaned and half-yawned, sitting up without much enthusiasm. She grasped the bunny firmly by the shoulders. "Tewi, what are you playing at?"

"Waking you up!" giggled Tewi.

"I know," said Reisen heavily. "Why, though?!"

"It's raining!" declared Tewi.

"And?" growled Reisen.

Tewi's cheerful expression wavered a little. "Are you dense? No, don't answer that. The vegetable garden, Reisen! Everything's going to rot!"

Reisen gasped. "We have to do something!"

"Well done for finally reaching that conclusion!" said Tewi, giving Reisen a friendly pat on the head.

Reisen glared at her, but there was no time to press the issue. She quickly changed into her dress, put on some pink waterproof tights and non-stick teflon sandals and ran to the back garden.

* * *

The House of Eternity's vegetable garden was abuzz with motion. Rabbits ran to and fro with mud splattered as high as their knees, mopping up puddles, planting sponges between row upon row of vegetables and catching the rain in wooden buckets.

"Good grief…! What are they all doing?!" breathed Reisen.

"Keeping the crops dry! Haven't you done an honest day's work before?" said Tewi.

"Wh-what are you talking about?! Of course I have!" snapped Reisen. "Just, you know, not in this context…"

"Just grab a sponge and get to work," said Tewi, with a fond sigh.

Reisen couldn't shake the feeling the universe was playing an incredibly complicated joke on her, but she obediently waded through the small swamp that had once been a patch of flowers and retrieved a sponge from the shed.

"Oh, Reisen! Good to have you with us!" Decked out in the finest gold-trimmed overalls, Kaguya met her as she shut the door. She was carrying a filthy sponge and a large bucket.

"Princess?!" cried Reisen. "You… you're here too? Now?!"

"Of course! Everyone has to pitch in," said Kaguya brightly. "Tewi said the rice and celery can handle being wet, but the asparagus especially needs drying."

"And we're going to use sponges?"

"What else?"

"Um…" Reisen didn't know enough about farming to dispute her. "Where did she say the asparagus was?"

"This way." Kaguya took Reisen by the hand and led her through the garden. Bunnies scurried past them or dove between their legs as they picked their way through the soggy crops.

Several forlorn rows of asparagus were poking up from a long rectangle of mud. Kaguya immediately set to work sopping up the pools of murky water and emptying the sponge into her bucket.

Reisen knelt down, ruining the hem of her dress, and plunged her sponge into a puddle. She moved to squeeze it out and came to a worrying realisation.

"Ah," realised Reisen, "I have no bucket."

Where was she going to squeeze out her sponge if she didn't have a bucket?

"Well, don't delay! Go and get a bucket!" said Kaguya.

"Right!" Reisen ran back to the shed. She managed to take fourteen steps before she slipped in the mud and almost impaled herself on a carrot.

"That was close!" said Reisen shakily. The carrot was just a millimetre away from her body, its pointy end thrust skywards.

"Ow…" whimpered the rabbit she'd landed on.

Reisen gasped. "Oh, no! Are you all right?!" she cried, leaping up in a panic.

"I've been better…" The rabbit was wearing a yellow poncho a couple of sizes too big. She left a deep rabbit-shaped hole in the mud as she stood up. "I don't think we're gonna win, Reisen. No matter how fast we dry the fields, it just rains faster!"

Reisen bit her lip. The rain was pretty heavy; it had already rinsed most of the mud off her clothes. With Eirin's keen mind and the strong arms of a hundred rabbits there was little they couldn't do, but taking on nature itself was a monumental task. Perhaps it would be better if they salvaged what crops they could and left the rest for the worms.

Therein lay one of life's biggest contradictions: for all its many bountiful gifts, nature could take everything away in a heartbeat. Trying to control the cycles of living things was futile. Farming could give one a semblance of dominion, but it was more like riding a hippopotamus than a loyal, well-trained horse. You could try to steer it and tether it up while you slept, but sooner or later it would stomp to the watering hole, throw you off its back and have a bath.

A bath… Yes, that sounded good. Reisen was growing colder and wetter by the second, and the dense fur on her tail and ears was going to need at least an hour in warm, soapy water. She hadn't had any breakfast either. Perhaps she'd have porridge-

"Um, Reisen? Hello?!" The rabbit was jumping up and down, waving in front of Reisen's eyes every time she rose high enough. "Come on, Reisen, snap out of it! We have work to do!"

"Wha…? O-oh, right!" Reisen laughed nervously. "Sorry, I was lost in thought. Um, I think I was fetching a bucket-"

Something pressed up against Reisen's foot. She screamed, flailed her arms around and fell on top of a lettuce.

"Fear not, my sisters!" Tewi shouted as she emerged from the ground in a pile of mud and mostly-dry earth. "I have a plan! We're going to dig tunnels to drain the water!"

"Guhhh… Drain water? I-I get it…" moaned Reisen.

"Since you're so big, you'll be draining that big puddle outside the back door!" Tewi declared. "Try and come out near Kappa Valley. They won't care about a little extra mud."

"But that's miles away! Tewi, there's no way I can burrow that far!"

"Is that so?" Tewi smiled sweetly and pulled a bottle of orange liquid from behind her ear. "Drink this. It'll help!"

Reisen was not convinced. "It's not a laxative, is it?"

"Of course not! Cross my heart and hope to die!"

After a few moments' thought, Reisen took the bottle and gulped its contents down. The liquid flowed down her throat like liquid fire, making her cough several times. "Wh-what was that?!"

"Carrot wine." Tewi giggled. "Just normal carrot wine. No special ingredients. It may or may not be four hundred percent proof, though…"

"F-four hundred per…? Per…?!" A wave of unfettered joy suddenly hit her. Reisen's eyes started to glow. She leapt a full ten metres into the air, screaming in rapture. Mud exploded upwards as she hit the ground.

"What have you done?!" the other rabbit gasped.

"What do you mean? I just gave her a little pick-me up," said Tewi blithely. "I think she'll do just fine!"

"I hope so…" The rabbit cast a worried eye over the deep hole Reisen had left. She bent over the entrance and called out. "Reisen?! Hello?!"

Reisen didn't answer. She was already halfway to Misty Lake.


	12. Day 12: Plants

**~Author's Note~**

By popular demand, I've written about a more competent, less childish or helpless Shou. Tojiko is there as well.

**~The Bipartisan Quest to Makai~**

"Hello? Is Princess Kaguya there?" Shou hammered on the wide sliding door. "I need to borrow the jewelled branch from Mount Hourai!"

"Sorry. I lost it."

Shou jumped. The tired, muddy immortal princess was coming towards her with a sponge and a bucket in hand.

"Um, that's all right… Do you know where I could find another one?"

"Another jewelled branch?" Kaguya smiled a wide-eyed, completely incredulous smile. "You want to know where you could find another jewelled branch? Well, I suppose you could fly to the moon. Then it's just a matter of convincing the locals to let you access the udonge groves, or more likely fighting your way past them, helping yourself to a branch and getting it home safely!"

Shou's face fell. "There's no other way?"

"Probably not," said Kaguya. "Unless you fancy looking for that other jewelled tree in Makai…"

"Makai?! Why, that's easy!" cried Shou, her face brightening. "All I'll need to do is sneak past all the ferocious demons they have guarding the gate!"

Shou bowed in gratitude, turned around and set off for the gateway to Makai.

"Wait a minute! You still haven't told me why you need a jewelled branch!" cried Kaguya.

"Ask Sanae!" Shou called over her shoulder, and then she was gone.

* * *

Shou spent the next week wandering through beautiful, terrifying landscapes that had been described with the most poetic prose, facing vicious demons and bloodthirsty youkai in long, fast-paced, expertly-written fight scenes. Once that was taken care of she found herself trekking through a multicoloured forest beneath a burning blue sky.

"Hmmm… Let's see…" Shou checked the map she'd been given by Yumeko as a reward for rescuing Yuki and Mai from a lava-filled labyrinth beneath the world. "Once I cross this last bottomless ravine, the Black Spire should be directly to the west, which means the Grove of Starlight… Should be…"

Shou gasped as she caught sight of the tree sparkling in the distance, so close she could almost taste it. Even if that would be a stupid thing to do. She ran to the bottomless ravine and flew over it, glided over to the grove and touched down in front of the jewelled tree.

It was the brightest, most beautiful tree Shou had ever seen, but she didn't waste time celebrating. She took out the saw she'd brought and set to work cutting off a branch.

An hour later, with her saw worn down to a thin piece of blunt metal, Shou came to the conclusion that something had gone badly wrong. No matter. She could just take the whole tree.

Shou rolled up her sleeves, took hold of the sturdy grey trunk and heaved it up out of the ground, showering her feet with black soil. She balanced the tree on her shoulder and trudged towards the canyon.

Which was going to be a problem. Could she fly with such a heavy burden? Shou knew she was strong with both feet firmly on the ground, but flight didn't rely on muscle power. Shou laid the tree beside the canyon and sat down to think. A bolt of lightning promptly struck her.

Shou leapt to her feet, spiky-haired and giving off wisps of smoke. "Wha-?! What happened?!"

"I could happen to you a lot harder if you like," said Soga no Tojiko, drifting down to earth with. "You won't leave here with that tree, Shou. Hand it over if you have any sense."

"We happen to need that tree, you selfish idiot! Get your own!" retorted Shou, readying her spear. "Nothing but a jewelled branch has the power to banish the paper walls full of eyes that are threatening to spill out of the Moriya Shrine."

"As if you and your Budhhist friends are up to anything worthwhile. No, I'm bringing this tree straight back to Miko, so she can banish the paper walls full of eyes that are-" Tojiko's brow furrowed. "Wait a minute."

"We could cut the tree in half," offered Shou.

"Um… Yeah." Tojiko nodded. "Let's do that. We just have to carry it back home."

"And find a sharp enough saw," added Shou. "All right, then! I'll take the end with the branches, you follow me-"

Shou's foot collided with the heavy trunk as she moved off. Her face screwed up in agony. She screamed and hopped around, unaware that the tree was beginning to roll further away.

"Are… Are you all right?" asked Tojiko, edging away from Shou.

"I'm peachy!" howled Shou. "You know how it is, sometimes you've just got to hop around! Ow! Oh, the pain!"

"Okay…" Tojiko tried to turn around, but her tails had got tangled around one of the six-headed Venus fly traps Makai was famous for. She swore under her breath and set about untying them. The plant jolted, upsetting Tojiko just enough that she toppled over onto her back. Her head struck the tree.

"Aaugh… You left that thing a bit close to the edge, didn't you?" groaned Tojiko.

"Stupid place for a tree anyway."

"What are you talking about?! I left it right… There…" Shou frowned and looked for the tree. Her heart leapt into her throat. "Oh, my gods! It's right by the edge!"

"You're kidding me!" Tojiko zapped the carnivorous plant until it was nothing more than a pile of ash and ran (well, floated) to the edge of the ravine. Shou screeched to a halt beside her.

"Don't move." Shou's face was ashen. "Don't even breathe. We have to think carefully about this. Damn, if only we had Unzan…"

"Maybe you can reach it with your spear," whispered Tojiko. "Or I could drift in front of it and ah… Aaahh… Aaaaaahhhh…! ATCHOO!"

The tree rolled over the jagged lip of the ravine. Shou and Tojiko just stood there, horrified, while their sparkling quarry tumbled deeper and deeper until it was too dark to make out.

Tojiko looked at Shou.

Shou looked at Tojiko.

"Fancy a drink?" offered Tojiko.

"Yes," growled Shou.


	13. Day 14: Moon

**~You Bet I Can Rhyme Stuff With Them~**

There once was a woman named Toyohime  
Who loved to eat as many peaches as she may.  
With her fan of great might  
She could win every fight  
With such skills as demand an action replay.

There also was fearless Yorihime.  
Upon Reimu she had herself a field day.  
With a blade in her hand  
She defended her land  
With her magic and impossible swordplay.


	14. Day 15: Memory

**~Author's Note~**

This was originally going to be a heartfelt story about Mokou and Kaguya reminiscing, but things happened, so what we have instead is a comedy. Enjoy.

**~Memories to Last a Quadrillion Lifetimes~**

"You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, you scrawny tosser!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me, goat-brains!" Kaguya strode into the clearing with a big, round cactus in her arms. "Prepare to die!"

"Um, do I know you?" Mokou shifted nervously. "I'd really rather not die if it's all the same to you…"

Kaguya scoffed. "As if I'm going to fall for that."

"B-but it's the truth! Really!" said Mokou. She backed away until she hit a stalk of bamboo. "Are you sure you haven't got the wrong person, black-haired lady? I've never even met you before!"

Kaguya narrowed her eyes. "Whatever you're trying, it's not going to work. I see through all your lies, Mokou!"

"Is that my name?" said Mokou, looking rather lost.

"No, your name's Baroness Emptyhead Dipstick of Ladygarden Avenue. What do you think?!"

Mokou's eyes widened. "I'm a baroness?!"

"Yes, and I'm a princess, so don't get any funny ideas. Now are we fighting or what?!"

"I'd really rather not, um, Your Highness… Couldn't you fight somebody else?"

Kaguya shook her head "I'm not falling for it, Emptyhead."

"I'm not lying! I swear, I have no idea who you are!"

"Shut up!" Kaguya threw her cactus at Mokou. She screamed as it smacked into her stomach, poking her in several places.

"Stop it! Stop it, you crazy princess!" screamed Mokou. "What have I ever done to you?!"

"Took it personally when I humiliated your father?!"

Mokou reflected on that for a second, then turned and ran for her life. Kaguya watched her leave with a mixture of amusement and contempt.

* * *

Later that evening, Keine showed up outside Eientei and hammered on the door with considerable urgency. She continued hammering on Reisen for several seconds after she opened it.

"Um, can… Can I help you?" said Reisen nervously.

"Oh, you're here! Thank heavens!" Keine blushed a little and stopped knocking. "I need to see Ms Yagokoro and the princess urgently. It's Mokou, she's lost her memory! She was so frightened, and she didn't even recognise me!"

"Ah, right. You'd better follow me." Reisen led Keine along several brightly-lit corridors to Kaguya's chambers. Keine waited patiently while Reisen rapped gently on the door.

"Princess? Is Lady Eirin with you? Keine needs to see you both!" Reisen called. "She has some bad news about Mokou!"

"Can it wait?! We're having our bath!" came the tetchy reply.

Reisen sighed. "Probably best to wait."

"Um, Reisen? What did she mean by 'our' bath?" said Keine worriedly.

"Oh, you know…" said Reisen vaguely.

Keine sighed. "Well, this is important, so can't I just go in?"

"I wouldn't," said Reisen.

Keine kicked the door down and stepped around a magnificent four-poster bed to the en suite. "Eirin! Eirin! Help me, Eirin!"

"Don't come in!" wailed Eirin.

Keine came in. She wasn't too surprised to see Eirin completely naked with her hair dangling in the warm, bubbly water.

"For pity's sake, can't you see we're busy?" sighed Eirin, lowering herself a little further into the bath.

"Yes, this was supposed to be our private time!" Kaguya emerged from the water behind Eirin. "You wouldn't like it if we came and watched you having a bath, so don't-"

"MOKOU HAS LOST HER MEMORY!" roared Keine.

"Um," said Eirin, "has she?"

"She hasn't," Kaguya reassured her. "Mokou was pretending she had no idea who I was this morning, but I saw through her act. Keine, don't tell me she's still at it!"

"You saw her?"

Kaguya nodded.

"Oh, for flip's sake…! Why didn't you do something?!" What was left of Keine's patience evaporated. "Mokou's forgotten who she is, who I am, where she lives, what she likes to eat, everything! Are you seriously telling me you met her earlier today and you didn't think to check?!"

"Yes…?" said Kaguya patiently. "I mean, she has pretended to have amnesia before. Don't you think she might be lying?"

"She didn't recognise ANYTHING, Kaguya! I showed her the painting of her family she's kept since the Asuka period and she acted like she'd never seen it before!" ranted Keine. "Don't you understand?! This is real! She's lost her memory!"

"You really think so?" Kaguya was starting to look worried. "How could Mokou have amnesia? She took the elixir just like we did…"

"It is possible," Eirin piped up. "Being a Hourai immortal protects you from any permanent injury, but amnesia is simply enhanced forgetfulness."

"Oh, no… We have to help her!" Kaguya leapt to her feet, showering Eirin with sweet-smelling bubbles. Reisen and Keine blushed and looked at their feet while she wrapped herself in a towel.

"We… We have dressing gowns, Princess," Eirin reminded her.

"I knew that," said Kaguya.

* * *

"Mokou? Mokou, are you home?"

"Baroness Dipstick? Baroness Dipstick, are you home?"

Keine bashed Kaguya over the head with a chronicle of the early Tokugawa shogunate. "I've only just convinced her she's called Mokou, you idiot!"

The foursome filed into Keine's sitting room. Slumped over a plump cushion, Mokou took one look at Kaguya and dove under the kotatsu.

"It's all right, Mokou, she's with me," said Keine reassuringly. She knelt down beside the heated table. "I've brought my good friend Eirin to see you. She can help you get your memories back."

"Can she?" Mokou poked her head out from under the table. "I'm not sure I want my memories."

"What?!" Kaguya shot Eirin a worried look.

Eirin cleared her throat. "Mokou, why wouldn't you-"

"From what Keine and the princess told me, it seems I wasn't always the nicest of people," said Mokou. "I mean, I feuded with one woman for years! I killed her over and over again! All because of something that happened a hundred years ago."

"It was actually more than a thousand years," said Keine.

"That long?!" gasped Mokou. "Then I really don't want to go back to who I was."

"But Mokou," began Keine.

"Don't you understand?! This is my chance to start afresh! I can become a new, better person, one who doesn't waste her time on meaningless quarrels!" said Mokou fervently. "I'm not going back to the sad, lonely, vicious woman I allegedly was. I am going to be a kind and responsible baroness and lead my people with, um… With responsibility and kindness!"

"But… What about us?" A tear rolled down Keine's cheek. "You won't remember me."

"Listen. You may be a historian, but the future belongs to all of us, and I've decided what future I want," Mokou insisted. "That said, since we were such good friends before, I'm sure we will be able to make new memories together. Happy memories we'll both want to keep."

"Oh, Mokou…" sniffed Keine. "I'd love to make more memories with you, but I'm going to miss the old you."

"I hated her so much! It won't be the same without her!" Kaguya burst into tears. "Mokou, please don't do this!"

Mokou stood up. "I'd be happy to spar with you, if that makes you feel better, but the old Mokou is dead. I don't want to hear another word on the subject. Is that clear?"

"A-all right…" sobbed Kaguya. "I'll never forget you."

"That's your prerogative. Now, I was thinking I should learn some useful skills, such as sewiiiIIIING?!" Mokou tripped over a rug. She hit the wall head-first with a terrific thump.

Kaguya ran to her side. "Mokou! Oh, Mokou, speak to me!"

Eirin and Keine waited with bated breath to see what would happen.

"Oww…" groaned Mokou. She rose shakily and rubbed her head. Her eyes narrowed when she saw Kaguya standing over her. "Are you somehow responsible for this, you ugly daughter of a bamboo shoot?"

Kaguya fell on Mokou and smothered her with kisses. "Oh, Mokou! Mokou, you're back!"

"W… was I gone?" said Mokou faintly.

"I love you so much! Don't ever leave me!" Kaguya sobbed. "Oh, Mokou… I've been such a fool, wasting my life on hatred and more hatred. Well, that changes now. I'm never leaving your side again!"

"Oh, I'm so glad you're back!" Keine ran over and hugged them both. "I missed you, Mokou."

"What would life be like without you? You keep us all on our toes!" Eirin could stand on her dignity no longer. She found a piece of Mokou the other two weren't already cuddling and gave her a kiss. "Don't ever leave us, Baroness."

"I-I don't understand! What's got into you all?! You're scaring me!" wailed Mokou. "Stop it! Stop! GET OFF!"


	15. Day 16: Change

**~Author's Note~**

Today, we have some ruminations on the different meanings of "change". An apostrophe might've got thrown in there at some point; I wasn't paying attention.

**~Suika Changes the Times~**

"All right, here's your lamprey omelette with noodles!" Mystia handed a plate of delicious-smelling food to Suika. "That'll be two hundred and fifty mon, please."

"Ah, um…" Suika rummaged in her pockets. "I've got a hundred and a two hundred. Can you give me change?"

"Of course." Mystia accepted the coins and handed over fifty mon. "Enjoy your meal!"

Suika wolfed down her lunch and belched loudly, which startled Mystia. She never thought such a small body could have the acoustics.

"Do excuse me," blushed Suika. Then she burst out laughing, because she was extremely childish.

* * *

Later that afternoon, it began to rain.

"Oh, dear!" Suika cried out when a cold, wet raindrop fell on her nose. "I'd better change!"

Suika ran to the Hakurei Shrine, where she found Reimu snoozing in a fast-growing puddle on the flagstones.

Suika nudged Reimu. "Hey, wake up! You're all wet!"

Reimu groaned and rubbed her eyes. "Su… Suika? I must've dozed off… Wait, why am I all wet?!"

"You fell asleep, then it started raining," said Suika. She took the drowsing Reimu's hand and led her into the shrine.

Reimu chucked several logs on the fire while Suika rummaged for her raincoat. She slid her arms into the thick, warm sleeves and buttoned the coat snugly around her torso.

"How do I look?" asked Suika.

"Nice and waterproof," said Reimu. "Where are you going?"

"Going?" Suika blinked. "I don't know… I just felt like I should change my clothes."

* * *

"Ahhh…" sighed Chang'e. "After ten thousand years, I'm free! Time to put that woman's son and this whole immortality business behind me and get on with my life!"

The Lunar Capital was alive for once, with moon rabbits laughing and dancing in the streets. Chang'e was showered with mochi as she strode through the town square. She soon looked more like a walking cream puff than a goddess.

"Three cheers for Chang'e!" the rabbits chorused.

"We love you!" they continued.

"Marry me, Chang'e!" said a moon rabbit, throwing a pair of bloomers in her general direction.

Chang'e laughed a little nervously. "Wow, so many friendly faces! Listen, I'd love to stay here and talk to you all, but I haven't been to the loo in ages-"

The ground split open under her feet. Chang'e managed to grab the edge and hang on for dear life, but many rabbits were not so lucky. They tumbled helplessly into a yawning black void that grew wider with every second.

"Oh, my days…! Hold on!" Chang'e let herself drop, spread her arms wide and launched herself into the chasm.

* * *

Thousands of miles away, Reimu saw the white disc of the moon split into a thousand shards. She groaned loudly. "Oh, Suika, tell me you didn't!"


	16. Day 17: Magic

**~Magical Girl Warrior Kosuzu and the Dark Mistresses of the Moon~**

**~Author's Note~**

First of all, I'm _soooooo_ sorry this chapter took so long! *_*;; I had loads of work last month between renting out books and getting my flight certificate, and there just wasn't time for me to do any writing. I'm free for the rest of this week, though, and I'll try and get chapter 6 out for you much sooner! Don't wait up, though… ^^'

With regard to the fighting, I'm afraid it's hard for me to describe what large groups of characters are doing at a given time, so I tend to just focus on Kosuzu. Like I promised, though, some more plot happens this time! I think I did it all right, but I'd love to hear what all you wonderful people thought as well. Getting reviews really makes my day, so don't be shy!

**Faith_and_Anime**, I really had no idea "In the name of the moon, I will punish you!" was somebody's catch phrase in the Outside World. I'm so sorry! If you run into Sailor Moon, please tell her I didn't mean it! u.u I won't make any more stupid mistakes like that, I promise!

**~Chapter 5: Tengu's Secret! Dread Sisters Attack!~**

"Augh…! Who are you?!" gasped Kosuzu, staring through squinted eyes at the glowing women. "What do you want with us?!"

"Ohohohoho~!" the woman with the wide hat laughed smugly. "Shall we tell them, sister dear?"

"Yes," said the woman with the bow, stiffly and businesslike. "I am Watatsuki no Yorihime, captain of the Lunar Defence Force and leader of rabbits."

"And I am Watatsuki no Toyohime, her partner and mass-destruction weapon~!" tittered the blonde.

As the women's glow dimmed, Kosuzu could make out for the first time what they looked like. Yorihime had silky greyish-purple hair in a long, wide ponytail tied up with a big yellow bow, and her eyes were the colour of smoky quartz, but darker. She was wearing a reddish-brown dress, belted tight around her slender waist, with a pearly-white shirt component on top. Her shoes were small and red.

Toyohime's blonde hair was long and glossy. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of topaz. She wore a bluish-purple shirt-dress much like her sister's, and on her head was a broad-brimmed white hat with a small pink bow on the right side. Her boots were blue.

"The Lunar Defence Force?! You must be from from the moon!" gasped Reimu, her red eyes wide with shock.

"Correct," said Yorihime. "We have come to claim the Earth."

The heroines all gasped as one. Claim the Earth? How could she?!

"Now, hold on! You can't just come here and take whatever you want!" shouted Aya, her elegant black eyebrows arched in anger.

"Oh, but we can~!" laughed Toyohime, brandishing her orange fan. "We Lunarians are so much better than you, there is no point in us asking for permission~. I could kill you all in seconds, as could my sister~!"

"She speaks the truth," said Yorihime emotionlessly. "None of you can resist us." The heroines shared some worried looks amongst each other.

"Are they really that powerful?" said Kosuzu worriedly, her face creased with worry. "Even their moon rabbits were strong! What would the woman who trained them be like?!"

"You're right," said Aya fearfully. "Lunarians are fierce! I heard their only weakness is to freshly-picked chrysanthemums."

"C'mon, sisters, we can take 'em!" growled Marisa, doing a fist-pump with her short, strong-looking left arm. "I ain't afraid of no prissy Lunarian, ze! We'll show 'em!"

"Marisa's right. There are four of us, aren't there? We can do this!" Reimu pointed out, drawing her wand and striding towards the sisters. "In the name of Gensokyo and the Dragon God! Charge!"

Reimu charged at the Lunarians. Aya, Marisa and Kosuzu followed her with their weapons ready. They knew it was going to be a hard fight, but they had to pull through for their friends and families back home…

-+=+-+=+-o0~0o-+=+-+=+-

Akyuu was feeling nervous as she crept through the dank, scary cave. Her colourful dress seemed like it was in sepia tones in the soft orange light of her torch. There were clusters of stalacmites on the floor, so she had to be careful not to stub her poor little toes.

"Is it much further?" whispered Akyuu.

"Not long now," whispered Mamizou, her brown hair shaking as she ducked under a pointy grey stalagtite. "We should be somewhere under Youkai Mountain."

"Youkai Mountain?!" gasped Akyuu in amazement.

"That's right," confirmed Mamizou. "I don't understand it any more than you do, but if the tunnel leads this way, it leads this way… Oh, what's this? I think I see a light up ahead!"

The duo cautiously spelunked towards the light. It grew brighter and brighter as they headed through the cave, until they could tell it was shining through the gaps in a wooden trap door.

"Golly…" breathed Akyuu. "I wonder where this leads!"

"Well, let's find out!" said Mamizou, pushing through the trap door. Akyuu waited patiently as she watched the tanuki's legs disappear upwards.

"How is it?" called Akyuu a few seconds later.

"It's safe! You'd better come up here!" replied Mamizou.

Akyuu climbed the ladder and emerged into a bright, airy room. She could see a cluttered writing desk covered in paper and clutter, and a faint smell of lavender was wafting through the house. Warm sunlight was diffusing through the paper walls all around her.

"Who could live here?" pondered Akyuu, her beautiful amethyst eyes clouded with confusion. She moved over to the writing desk and picked up a random piece of paper.

_Dear Aya,_

_There is much you have yet to learn  
of the world, but right now I have one  
important piece of information to  
deliver to you. Lunarians can be  
disabled easily by brushing fresh  
chrysanthemums against their skin._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Imoyikust on Otokim_

"Gosh!" cried Mamizou, her brow furrowing. "This is interesting… Aya has an informant telling her about the Lunarians!"

"Yes, but whom?" said Akyuu worriedly.

"Imoyikust on Otokim…" pondered Mamizou. "Who could that be? The name does not sound familiar, but I feel like…"

Akyuu gasped. "Mamizou, It's 'Tsukiyomi no Mikoto' backwards!"

"Oh, no!" cried Mamizou. "But that means…!"

"He could have been feeding Aya false information!"

-+=+-+=+-o0~0o-+=+-+=+-

Yorihime lifted her gleaming silver sword and hacked at Kosuzu. Kosuzu gripped her Divine Staff in both hands and deflected the blow, but the impact made her stagger. She desperately did a backflip, avoiding a swipe from Yorihime's sword by inches.

"Let's see how you like this!" said Kosuzu fiercely, aiming her staff at Yorihime. "Guarding Sign: Lance of Heaven!"

Kosuzu's staff fired a beam of golden light at Yorihime, making her yelped as it hit her right in the stomach. Kosuzu somersaulted forwards, her strawberry-blonde hair fanning out in the air, and gave Yorihime a painful bonk on the head.

"Ow!" cried Yorihime, breaking her not-emotional facade for the first time since she'd arrived. "Confound you…!" she added, readying her sword. "Lunar Sign: Moon Twilight Flash!"

Kosuzu braced herself as the crescent-shaped blade of silvery moonlight flashed towards her. She jumped over the attack. "Too slow, Yorihime!"

Yorihime smirked.

"Eh?…" said Kosuzu, then the Twilight Flasher swung around and hit her right in the small of her back! Kosuzu screamed and fell to her knees in terrible pain.

"Don't you realise you're dealing with somebody a cut above the rest?" said Yorihime proudly. "My attacks are too powerful for you, weakling, and those three idiots stand no chance against my sister. Give up now!"

"Give up…?" The idea was horrifying for Kosuzu. "Never! All of my friends are counting on me!"

Kosuzu rose angrily to her feet, fighting through the pain. She knew the time for being gentle was over. It was time to unleash her ultimate attack.

"Forgive me, Yukari…" murmured Kosuzu, taking aim with her staff. "Just this once, I must use the power I swore never to use." Her eyes were shining with determination. "Heart Sign: Light of the Universe!"

A beam of bright light exploded outwards from the staff. Yorihime staggered backwards as it washed over her skin. When the light cleared, she was sprawled out on the ground gasping for breath.

"Now's our chance!" shouted Aya, running towards Yorihime with a bunch of sweet-smelling purple chrysanthemums in hand. "This ought to fix her. Eat flowers!"

Aya brushed Yorihime's nose with the chrysanthemums. She wrinkled her nose and sneezed, then she jumped up and stabbed Aya through the heart!

"Aaaaaaargh!" screamed Aya, clutching at her chest as blood leaked out and stained her dress dark red. "No! I-I was so sure the chrusanthemums would work!"

"You assume too much," said Yorihime smugly, licking the blood off her sword. Her tongue was long and pink and slightly pointy at the end. "I believe my sister will be able to mop up your foolish friends now…"

"NO!" screamed Kosuzu. She kicked Yorihime in the shins, only for her foot to hit thin air as the purple-haired warrior cartwheeled to the side. Kosuzu ran towards her, but Yorihime punched her in the face before she could react. Kosuzu fell down in a heap and rubbed her poor little nose.

"Aw, nuts! Aya! Kosuzu!" cried Marisa, running over to her unconscious friends. "Don't give in! Not like this!"

"Ohohohoho~! You'll all give in exactly like this~!" Toyohime laughed victoriously. She swung her fan and Reimu went down in a blast of fire. "Sister dear, why don't you maul half-pint of a witch~?"

"Grrr…" Marisa clenched her scarred fists and stared down Yorihime. "No-one's maulin' me, ze! Put 'em up, you- Aiyeeeee!"

A Moon Twilight Flash in the knee sent Marisa flying across the hillside. She landed painfully in a bush, squashing most of the bush. The scent of freshly-spilled sap filled her nose.

Toyohime and Yorihime shared a look of satisfaction as they looked over the dazed and beaten heroines. Somehow, they'd done it.

"The world is ours," smiled Yorihime.

"We're the best~! Long live the Lunarians~!" whooped Toyohime, her purple dress flapping as she jumped for joy. "I can't believe this gaggle of wealkings thought they were tougher than the two of us~."

"We must return to the Capital and give Lord Tsukiyomi the good news," said Yorihime.

"W-wait…" groaned Marisa, stirring among the plant life. "You can't have the Earth… We live here!"

"Not for long~!" giggled Toyohime. Arm in arm with Yorihime, they drifted slowly up into the inky, moonlit sky. Nobody knew where they would strike next or what chaos they would wreak, and there was nothing Kosuzu or any of her friends could do to stop them.

TO BE CONTINUED…

**~Actual Author's Note~**

Yes indeedy, Touhou fans, Kosuzu is still at it. With a year of experience under her belt, she's learned a lot about formatting, pacing and how to spell "divine", but she's going through a bit of an "everything must be described in great detail" phase. Who knows? Maybe she'll be as good as me next year.


	17. Day 19: Spirit

**~Author's Note~**

For Day 18's entry, I made a comic. Due to the way this website is run, I can't give you a link to it, so you'll need to look up my Deviantart page. Search for "Aardvark1998" with any reputable search engine and you should be on the right track.

**~Is Smelling of Strawberries Really All they Offer?~**

On a warm, sunny morning, Reimu showed up at Marisa's house for once. She found her friend mulching her flower bed, decked out in a vest and shorts.

"Just a minute!" said Marisa. She patted down the mulch around a Lithuanian biting mushroom and wrenched her trowel out of its jaws. "Man, that thing's getting strong… What is it, Reimu?"

"Someone actually paid me for kicking a malignant ghost out of his water mill and I want to celebrate. Let's get some lemonade in the village!"

"I'd love to!" Marisa threw down her trowel and unhooked a loose summer dress from the Cambodian coat-hanger agaric on the kitchen window. She proceeded to put the dress on. "Where d'you want to go?"

"We'll see where's open," said Reimu.

"Sounds good to me," smiled Marisa, taking Reimu's hand.

"Yuck…" said Reimu, retrieving her hand and wiping it on Marisa's dress.

* * *

Once Marisa had cleaned herself up, the duo made their merry way to the Human Village. They found the garden inside the northern gate full of flowers.

"I haven't seen the village this peaceful for months now," observed Reimu.

"You're right. I wonder what disaster's gonna happen…"

"What, are you bored?" Reimu needled Marisa. "Come on, everything's fine! Let's just enjoy it while it lasts."

A terrified, screaming crowd ran past them. Nitori was bringing up the rear, her bunches flapping behind her head.

"Abandon village! It's the end of the world!" screamed Nitori, disappearing through the gate.

Marisa and Reimu shared a worried look. A giant scaly foot turned the rickety house behind them into splinters.

"Whaaaaa…?" breathed Marisa.

Reimu sighed heavily. "Wait here. This shouldn't take too long."

Marisa looked on in amazement as Reimu strode out to meet the massive reptile. She raised her wand. Gleaming yellow light flashed around Reimu, and all of a sudden she was fifty metres tall.

The monster roared a challenge. Reimu rolled her eyes and kicked it in the shins. A few good bashes on the head were enough to send the beast running for the hills.

"There we go!" said Reimu brightly, shrinking back down to her normal size. "Now, how about that lemonade?"

Marisa's jaw was still hanging open. She managed to close it and managed to blurt out, "Um, d-don't you think you deserve something a bit stronger?! You just-!"

"Well, I could go for some sake," said Reimu. Her lips parted in a cheery smile. "Nothing like spirits for keeping your spirits up!"


	18. Day 20: Eastern

**~Guess That Touhou~**

Works hard, reaps rewards  
Now we never see her cry  
From her tears, flowers

Fearless, silver-haired  
Ever will she serve her queen  
Just how old is she?

Born to noble heights  
Justice her quest and her love  
Unless she's just nuts

Small and full of joy  
Permission is optional  
Living is for fun

There once was an amanojaku  
Who set the world on a new tracku.  
She paid no attention  
To rules and conventions  
And still ain't been caught. Seija bows to no-one!

The strange, stronger one  
No model sister at all  
Where was she again?

Ginger-haired half-pint  
Half her body-weight is pints  
The rest is muscle

She is everything  
She lives for fun, loves for life  
All her selves like beer

Flashing blades of steel  
Brings life, though she has little  
Longing to be more

Cast from paradise  
Born anew, she found freedom  
Cotton on her head

Caught between two worlds  
What more could this girl dream of?  
Good thing she can fly

No-one sees her come  
Ancient wisdom few can know  
Fewer still can serve

Red and white whirlwind  
Soaring, fearless, powerful  
Who can reach her heart?

* * *

How many did you get?


	19. Day 22: Beauty

**~Author's Note~**

Here's something sweet, possibly the first true romance I've ever written. Since I'm young, inexperienced and not a lesbian, it won't be perfect, so please do give me constructive criticism.

**~Eye of, You Guessed it, the Beholder~**

Kagerou lay flat on her stomach, her arms pressing into the cold, damp sand, and stared ruefully at her choppy reflection. No matter how many times she changed her shape, sooner or later her jawbones would form a rugged square and her nose would grow unreasonably large.

Women from the Human Village who were into prettiness were always talking about 'contouring'. Kagerou would gladly have tried it if she could afford make-up, but she couldn't, so she settled for having low self-esteem.

Kagerou had been told many times that she should love her body, but how could she? When she saw her face, all she could think of was how much better she'd look if she was dainty. The fur was even worse. During the full moon, she sometimes wished she could rip off her skin and live as a walking skeleton.

If she did that, though, she wouldn't be able to hug Wakasagihime any more. Kagerou sighed deeply. Why couldn't she just have been born with good looks? Her life would have been so much better. Beautiful people never felt sad or doubted themselves, did they?

As she lay there moping, Kagerou failed to notice a blue shape moving towards her beneath the waves. Her reflection wavered, then broke into the very real head and torso of a blue-haired mermaid.

Wakasagihime hit Kagerou face-first and gave her an, energetic kiss. They rolled up the bank and fell in a heap on the grass, dripping wet.

Kagerou groaned loudly. "Did you have to do that?"

"Of course!" giggled Wakasagihime. "I can't help myself when you're so pounceable."

"Pounceable…?" said Kagerou faintly.

Wakasagihime nodded, a blissful smile on her pouty turquoise lips. Her soft, round cheeks were dusted pink, her deep blue eyes were sparkling with cheer and her nose was small and upturned and oh, so cute and Kagerou loved her so much it hurt.

Thus, Kagerou leaned over and gave her a gentle, tender kiss. Wakasagihime put her arm around Kagerou's shoulder pulled her closer. Their tongues brushed together. Kagerou delved eagerly into Wakasagihime's mouth, exulting in the warm, damp, slimy taste of love until she was out of breath.

The sweethearts pulled apart and breathed for a few seconds. Kagerou caught Wakasagihime's eye and smiled. "I love you, you beautiful little fish."

"I love you too, you big cutie."

Kagerou's eyes widened. "Cutie?! C-come on, I'm not… I'm hardly… I mean, you're cuter, right? I-I'm just…"

"Oh, Kagerou, of course you're cute! You have such a nice nose! And you're so big and strong! And I love your hair and your little fluffy ears."

"You… you do?"

"Of course I do." Wakasagihime cupped Kagerou's chin in her slender hand. "I've never met anybody who could make me feel the way you do. You're, um, immensely cute! Yes, that's right, immensely cute."

Kagerou opened her mouth to say that she was, in fact, not cute at all, but Wakasagihime got there first. She smooched Kagerou lovingly and held her tight. After a while, they went to the Road of Liminality to buy some crepes.


	20. Day 23: Personal

**~Author's Note~**

Here's an essay about Reimu's inconsistent portrayal and how the many facets of her being might still come together to form a healthy, well-adjusted woman. I disguised it as a crossover with the Mr Men series.

**LITTLE MISS INDETERMINATE PERSONALITY**

**_Not by Roger Hargreaves_**

I am sure you know what a personality is. Everybody seems to have one. Little Miss Sunshine is cheerful. Mr Tickle loves to tickle people. Mr Uppity is a snob. Little Miss Bossy is a natural leader. Sort of.

But what kind of person is Little Miss Indeterminate Personality? Nobody knows. Little Miss Indeterminate Personality lives and works at a Shinto shrine in a forest on a hill. She spends her days snoozing, sweeping the floor and fighting youkai. But why?

One day, Mr Happy decided he would find out. He packed himself some sandwiches and walked to the city hall. He waited in line for five hours, and had almost fallen asleep when the man at the desk called him. Mr Happy applied for a visa to visit Gensokyo. His application was accepted.

Two weeks later, Mr Happy took the train to Gensokyo. It trundled along for a few hours and pulled into the Human Village. Mr Happy disembarked, which means he got out of the train, and went to find Little Miss Indeterminate Personality.

Mr Happy was amazed by the people around him. All of them were dressed in old-fashioned clothes. Most of them were women. Incredibly, none of them were brightly-coloured shapes with faces and tiny little arms and legs. Mr Happy began to feel a little out of place.

* * *

In the Forest of Magic, Mr Happy came across Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. He waved to her. "Hello, Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts-"

"Please," said Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker, "call me Marisa. It'll be much faster."

Mr Happy nodded. "I was wondering about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality," he said. "What's she like?"

Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker was good friends with Little Miss Indeterminate Personality, so she had nothing but compliments for her. "Miss Indeterminate Personality's lovely! She likes dancing and martial arts and spell-card duels and flower viewing, and she loves my cooking."

"Ah," said Mr Happy. "She's a playful woman, is she?"

"That's right. We have so much fun together!" said Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. "Anyway, I need to go and water my mould collection."

"You grow mould?" said Mr Happy. He had never heard of a mould collection before.

"I didn't plan to," Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker admitted. "The mould just happened to me. Anyway, bye!"

Mr Happy was not sure how mould could "happen" to a person. He was not sure he wanted to know either. He pushed it to the back of his mind and carried on.

* * *

On the foothills of Youkai Mountain, Mr Happy came across Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni. She was taking her pet tiger for a walk. As you do.

"Hello," said Mr Happy.

"Oh, good morning!" said Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni. "I haven't seen you before. What kind of youkai are you?"

"I'm not," said Mr Happy. "Actually, I came here to find out about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. Is she as playful as Little Miss Parti- as Marisa says?"

"Playful? I'll say!" Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni said angrily. "All she ever does is play! Little Miss Indeterminate Personality is lazy and money-grubbing and too fond of eating to care about her body."

"Oh," said Mr Happy. He did not mention Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni's round tummy. "Does she ever do any work?"

"Only when she thinks she can get rich," said Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni.

"So Miss Indeterminate Personality is lazy?" said Mr Happy worriedly.

Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni nodded. "The laziest woman you'll ever meet. However, I am anything but, so I'll get going now. Have a lovely day."

* * *

A while later, Mr Happy came to Misty Lake. He found Little Miss Fairy and Little Miss Complete Idiot playing together on the shore.

"I say! Hello there!" called Mr Happy.

"Hello!" replied Little Miss Fairy.

"Hi, round person!" said Little Miss Complete Idiot.

"I wonder if you can help me," said Mr Happy. "Everybody seems confused about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. Do you two have any idea what she's like?"

"What, her?" Little Miss Complete Idiot folded her arms. "She's no big deal. I could take her with one hand behind my back!"

"What are you talking about?!" gasped Little Miss Fairy. "Miss Indeterminate Personality is scary! She's always shouting at people and beating us up for no reason! She's angry all the time. I've never even seen her smile."

"I suppose she can be a bit scary," admitted Little Miss Complete Idiot, "but she's not that bad!"

"She's a monster!" Little Miss Fairy insisted. "She attacked me just for looking at her once! And it hurt!"

"Well, you're a wimp," Little Miss Complete Idiot pointed out.

Mr Happy was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. He had been hoping to meet Little Miss Indeterminate Personality for tea, but perhaps that would not be such a good idea. He thanked the fairies for their help and started back down the road to the Human Village.

* * *

Halfway through his trek, Mr Happy saw her. Walking towards him. With a red bow in her hair and white sleeves not attached to her blouse, Little Miss Indeterminate Personality was coming his way.

Feeling a little nervous, Mr Happy cleared his throat. "Um, good afternoon!" he said. "I saw your friend Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. She was going to water her mould."

"You mean she's still growing that stuff?! Yuck!" cried Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. "I can't believe her sometimes. Mushrooms, fine. Lichen, fine. But mould?! Why?!"

"I know what you mean," said Mr Happy. He remembered last month's disastrous picnic with Mr Messy and Little Miss Whoops. "There's something I wanted to ask you. I hope I'm not being rude, but what sort of person are you?"  
Little Miss Indeterminate Personality stared at him. "What…?"

"What I mean," explained Mr Happy, "is, well, are you playful or lazy or violent or what? None of your friends gave me a straight answer."

"I… I don't know! Why are you asking me?!" cried Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. "Who told you I was lazy, anyway? I'll kill them!" Little Miss Indeterminate Personality's shoulders slumped. "No, I can't be bothered… Look, whatever they've been telling you, I'm not it. All right?"

"But I don't understand!" protested Mr Happy. "You have to have a personality!"

Little Miss Indeterminate Personality took a deep breath. "Look. Did it ever occur to you that I might act differently in different situations? Or that people might see me differently because I behave differently when I'm around them? Some people might even react differently to the exact same things I do. I'm not inconsistent, I'm just multi-bloody-faceted!"

And who wasn't? Even Mr Happy was multi-faceted. He could hardly be happy all the time, could he?


	21. Day 24: Fight

**~Author's Note~**

Here's a scene from the long-running Touhou anime that doesn't technically exist.

**~Touhou Spell-Card Strikers DX Series 3: Rise of the Lunarians, Episode 12: The Tournament of Champions Continues! Unleash the Orbs of Power!~**

"Come on, don't go easy on me! You haven't even touched me yet!"

"Are you for real?! I'm just getting started!" Marisa sprang towards Sumireko with fire rolling off her fists. Sumireko fought back with pink psychic barriers, hard enough to make Marisa's knuckles bleed even with her gloves.

Sumireko's boot lashed up and struck Marisa in the jaw. She staggered backwards, her vision blurring. She saw a flash of purple light and jumped, feeling a burst of warmth from the projectile as it flew under her.

Sumireko was strong in defence and offence. Marisa had been fighting by her side long enough to know that, but she also knew where Sumi might slip up.

"All right, let's turn up the heat! Non-Directional Laser!" yelled Marisa. Beams of red light lanced out from her hands. She swept them towards Sumireko.

"That won't work!" Sumireko somersaulted over the beam coming up on her left. As quick as a flash, she was on her feet and ready to attack. "Zener Card Shuriken!"

A dozen whirling cards came flying at Marisa.

"Burning Ice Breaker!" Blades of fire extended from Marisa's hands, making her fingers tingle. She slashed the cards into burning tatters and smirked. "Is that all you've got?"

"Of course not!"

"Then suck on this." Marisa thrust out her arm and summoned as much power as she could control. "Master Spark!"

Sumireko's eyes widened. She called up the strongest psychic barrier she could muster, but the roaring beam of light burst through with ease. She was shoved helplessly across the arena until she thumped into the wall.

"Shoulda got out of the way!" said Marisa smugly, waving wisps of smoke off her hand. "Best out of three?"

"Maybe later," whimpered Sumireko.

* * *

"Hot diggity, that was a good sparring session!" declared Marisa, half an hour and a brief medical examination later.

"It was all right..." groaned Sumireko. "Alice, can you turn my ice pack over?"

Marisa lay back on her bunk and smiled. She'd grown so much since she left her home in the forest, with the support of all her friends and hundreds of enemies for target practice. She had little doubt she could win the tournament.

A few minutes went by. Reisen entered the dormitory with a platter of pulled pork rolls, dripping with melting brie and cranberry sauce. "Lunch is served, everyone!" she declared.

"Oh, lovely!" said Alice, eagerly seating herself.

"Awesome!" agreed Marisa, tying a pillow case around her neck.

"Great," said Sumireko, wincing as she sat up.

Reisen handed out the sandwiches. Her friends tucked in with varying degrees of gentility.

"You never change, do you?" sighed Alice. She tried to pass Marisa a napkin while leaning in the opposite direction.

"Mmpfh!" Marisa thanked her, face-deep in her sandwich.

Reisen paused next to Reimu, who was snoozing face-down on her bunk. She tapped her on the ankle. "Reimu? I hope you're feeling hungry."

Reimu yawned and rolled over. "Oh, is that for me? Thank you." She took the sandwich and ate it drowsily.

Marisa swallowed the last of her meal. "Has she seriously been sleeping all day?"

"Yes, since breakfast," confirmed Reisen.

"Good grief... You're never gonna win with that attitude," said Marisa. "Honestly, haven't you done any training at all?!"

"I don't need to," said Reimu levelly.

"Oh, of course, 'cause you're a goddess," said Marisa heavily. She stood up and stretched, revealing her sizeable biceps. "You know, where I come from, we have to work before we can succeed."

"Marisa, don't! I thought you worked through this back in Series 1!" cried Reisen. She put a comforting hand on Marisa's shoulder, prompting Alice to glare daggers at her. "Reimu's one of us, remember? Don't start pushing her again."

"I'm not pushing anyone, Reisen." Marisa pushed her arm away, eliciting a sigh of relief from Alice. "Listen, Reimu, I'm gonna show you what hard work and dedication can do! I've been training all my life to be the strongest spell-card fighter, and I won't lose to a lazy-bones!"

Reimu looked up with a warning in her eyes. "I'm not lazy, Marisa. I just don't see why I should work when it's unnecessary, and I don't need to work to get stronger. I'm strong already! I'll show you how strong I am during our match tonight."

"I'll look forward to it."


	22. Day 25: Love

**~Author's Note~**

Reimu would prefer a monogamous relationship, but she's willing to give things another try with Marisa. Marisa, for her part, is showing her softer side today, and has written a poem dedicated to one of her several true loves.

**~Red and White are the Colours of Love~**

The maiden's eyes are shiny and crimson  
Her cheeks are dusted warmly with pink  
Her laugh, it chimes and tinkles with whimsy  
When I behold her, I cannot blink

I long to rest beside her in silence  
My head upon her tummy so soft  
Our bond eternal stands through the violence  
Without my angel, I would be lost

Most things I do are better with Reimu  
From walks to duels, from parties to hugs  
(That last one should be obvious to you  
Unless you are a dim-witted mug)

Let's pack some drinks and go for a wander  
We'll fly beneath the warm summer sun  
We'll see the hills and all this land's wonders  
And have ourselves a whirlwind of fun

She is my strength, my heart is her treasure  
A gift I share with few other girls  
Compared to her, there's no greater pleasure  
I love you, Reimu, you are my world


	23. Day 26: Old

**~She's Definitely Seventeen, People~**

Yukari's house was on a field north of Youkai Mountain that day. She awoke to bright sunlight diffusing through the paper walls and a faint smell of lavender.

"Your tea is served, Lady Yukari."

"Oh. Thank you." Yukari blinked the sleep from her eyes and beheld Ran, bending over her bedside table to lay down a bowl of lavender tea.

"Chen and I were about to have luncheon," said Ran, with no judgement in her voice. "It will be breaded octopus with scrambled eggs. Would you care for some?"

"Ah…" Yukari winced at the memory of half an hour struggling in the lavatory last night. "I might just have some rice porridge."

"As you wish. Oh, by the way," Ran slid an envelope out of her pocket, "Madam Saigyouji appears to have written to you. Something about a croquet tournament against the House of Eternity."

Yukari took the letter and squinted at it. She sighed heavily and retrieved her reading glasses, opened the envelope and read the letter.

* * *

"Ladies and additional ladies," Tewi yelled into her megaphone, "the first annual learning-to-channel-aggression-into-non-damaging-pastimes Lunarians and Friends vs Supernatural Women croquet tournament will now begin! Yuyuko Saigyouji's blue team are taking on Eirin Yagokoro's darker blue team, which totally won't confuse the shit out of us!"

"Such language…" Yukari sighed and shook her head.

"Don't spell-cards already let us channel our aggression into non-damaging pastimes?" Chen pointed out.

"You shouldn't think too hard about it," said Ran.

"Teams, take your places!" ordered Tewi. Yukari, Ran, Chen, Yuyuko and Youmu lined up opposite Eirin, Kaguya, Reisen, Mokou and Keine.

"Present mallets!" ordered Tewi. Ten wooden hammers pierced the sky. One of them clattered to the ground a second later as its wielder toppled over.

Yuyuko gasped. "Yukari, what happened?!"

"Pain…" Yukari's eyes were watering. "All I did was lift the hammer. Oh, gods, it hurts!"

"Where?!"

"My back!"

Yuyuko turned to the screen and fixed the author with a baleful glare. "Really, Aardvark? This isn't the least bit original."


	24. Day 27: New

**~Author's Note~**

Here's some fun with our favourite shapeshifting youkai. You know the ones: the thirty-something lesbian couple who've pretty much got life figured out, taking it easy, having fun and living as they please. Their love doesn't involve as much passion or fireworks in the sky as one might expect, but they're perfectly comfortable lounging around together. Except they're not thirty-something, they're both at least a couple of thousand. And they're youkai.

**~Turning Over a Nue Leaf~**

A cool breeze was wafting through the Forest of Magic. Nue ran between the trees, her arms spread wide and her heart full of joy. Her wings cut more than a few branches, but she didn't care. It was a perfect day for fun.

As a nue, Nue could change her appearance with ease, but getting her cheeks rosy enough and her lips the perfect shade of shiny black had taken half an hour. Unlike normal make-up, her skin would never fade unless she wanted it to, which was going to come in handy if her plans panned out.

Nue stumbled to a halt in the shady clearing where she and Mamizou stayed. The tanuki was snoozing in a comfy pile of cushions and quilts with her tail for a pillow. Nue tiptoed over and dug through the blankets until she found one of Mamizou's bare feet.

"Oh, Mamizooouuuu," trilled Nue, tickling the foot, "it's a lovely morning! Time to wake up!"

For a few seconds, Mamizou lay silent. Then she started giggling, and within seconds she was laughing and flailing around like a loon. "Stop it! Stop it! I'm up!" she squealed, throwing a small flowery pillow at Nue. "Good grief, Nue, what do you want with me?!"

"We're going swimming! Misty Lake just turned warm for some reason, so it should be great. Come on, get ready!" Nue threw the pillow back at Mamizou. It hit her face with a soft flump.

Mamizou yawned, licked her fingers and dragged them through her hair, smoothing it into something that didn't look much like a shrub. "I'm ready," she declared.

Nue took Mamizou's hand. The saliva didn't bother her. "This way, Mamizou. Let's go!"

* * *

Misty Lake was mistier than ever. Coils of steam poured off the water to form a thick blanket of fog, stretching from shore to shore. Dozens of fairies and youkai were splashing around in the warm water. A few shouted greetings as Nue and Mamizou jogged down the bank.

"Look! Look, over there!"

"Are you our sister?!"

Mamizou and Nue stopped at the water's edge. Two sharp-winged youkai were splashing towards them, one in a sopping-wet dress and one in a purple cavalry uniform.

"Are you…?" Nue was amazed. "Are you nues?!"

"Yes!" The nue in the dress nodded. "I'm Tomoko, and this is Kanon."

"A pleasure." Kanon bowed deeply.

"It's great to meet you! This is Mamizou," said Nue, gesturing to Mamizou, "and I'm… Nue. That happens to be my name."

Kanon looked at Tomoko. They giggled.

"Well, it is!" snapped Nue. "Nue is a perfectly good name, and I'm proud to be called it. So what if my parents weren't very imaginative?!"

"I'm sorry!" tittered Tomoko, not sounding that way. The many ruffles in her dress shook as she laughed. "It's just, well, imagine if your friend was called Tanuki!"

"Wouldn't that be confusing?" agreed Kanon. "It'd be just like if an oni was called Oni, or a satori was called Satori, or a tengu was called-"

"Do you mind?" Mamizou folded her arms. "I'm not just here to look nice, even if that is one of my talents. We came here for a swim."

"I heard there was a fairy out there called 'big fairy'," Tomoko went on, ignoring Mamizou.

"Yes, and what about that demon we had over for tea? 'Little Devil', she called herself! Incredible!" cried Kanon, with a distant look in her eyes. "And that woman, 'Small Cute Crested Ibis'…"

"In what language?" said Tomoko dubiously.

Kanon brushed a tuft of hair out of her eye. "It's complicated."

"Shall we just go?" Nue whispered to Mamizou.

Mamizou nodded. "Last one in the lake's a human!"


	25. Day 28: Story

**~the ledgend of cirno (by same)~**

once upon a time there was a fairy called Cirno she was the brayvest strongest fairy EVER she had a blue dress and a bow on her head and an ass cot which was red

Cirno was makeing mud pies one day Mareesa came round looking reely scared! she said "Cirno you haf to help theres a giant skorpean eating people!" sp Cirno put her shous on a d went to fight it

she went to the Fantastic Blohowl and bout a magic lanturn and wentin there it was really dark and scarey byt she wask't scared

suddenly a buckit dropped on Cirnos head! "ow!" said Cirno a green hared person poked up out of the buckit "hi My names Kisoomay" said Kisoomey (it was Kisoomey you see) as she emurged from the buckit

"ow my head" replied cirno

oh Im sorry I didnt see you down there" said Kisoomay "no harm done. have you seen a skorpean around heer" asked Cirno Kisoomay shook her head becos she hadnt

Cirno went off to find it

she went to a bridge over a river in the cave and crossed it but suddenly the brudge snapped! luckily she couldl fjy so she flew out of there!

"that was clows!" said Cirno relievedly

you said it" AHREED kISOOMAY (SHE WAS THERE TOO BECOS SHED WANTED TO GGO WIT CIRNO BECAUSE CIRNO WAS COOL AND SHE LOVED HER)

THE DINAMICK DYOO-OH WENT SOME MORE AND FOUND A GIANT WEB AND kISOOMAY GOT STUCK IN IT! "OH NO HELP!" SHE CREAMED

"SAVE ME cIRNO YOURE MY ONLY HOAP"

cIRNO FROZE THE WEB AND KICKED IT AND IT BROKE ECOS FROZEN THINGS SHATTER EASELY cIRNO WAS SO CLEVR SHE KNEW LODES OF COOL THINGS AND SHE WAS ALSO VERY PRETTY

kISOOMAY PUT HER BUCKET ON HER HEAD (SHES SILLY!) AND TEY WERE ABOUT TO KEEP GOING WHEN yAMARMAY SHOWED UP

"DID YOU FREEZE MY WEB." SHE DEMARNDED POINTING AT cirno

"yes" said Cirno "becos ny frend got stuck in it and I had to ger her out"

"oh no that wasnt what I ment to do" apololojized Yamarmay

weer looking for a giant skorpean, have you seen it' said Kisoomay

yamarmay nodded! "she said she wanted the gift shop at the Palice of Earth Spirit come on" ill take you there

Yamarmay took Kisoomay and Cirno there and they thanked her the palace was big and really big and cool and the windose looked wickid colourfoul and the son was purple they went in and the skorpean was there!

"help HELP its eeting me!1!" said Ootsoohoe half of her was all ready in the skorpeans mandibbles! (thats what you call a skorpeans mouth) it had eaten her friends befaur she was he last woman standing!

!oh no" said Kisoomay

Ccirno punshed the sporkean in the nose and froze it but she proke out of the ice and did the ting with its tail! it reely hurt! cirno was all moat defeeted byt she rallyed arownd and shot her cannun at her!

shed brought a cannun in her pokit! Cirno was so ckever

the Skorpean was realy hurt by the cannun ball and it screamed and ran away crying "thank hevens" said Satoary climbing out of its bum (YUCK) she led Auryn ad that green hared lady out after her "you saved us Cirno!"


	26. Day 30: End

**~Contentious Issue Time~**

Another day came to an end and another mischievous youkai felt the wrong end of Reimu's wand. Another bottle of sake was uncorked in the shrine.

"Tonight," said Marisa loudly, "we drink to victory! Our land is safe from the hair-eating goat demon of Makai!"

"I'm sorry, all right?! I genuinely didn't realise people didn't like having their hair eaten!" a lanky woman with horns protested.

"It's fine. We all make mistakes," said Reimu, pouring her a glass of wine. "Just make sure you don't do it again."

Marisa cleared her throat. "Let's try that again. To victory!"

"To peace!" yelled Reimu.

"To love!" toasted Sakuya.

"To other nice things like that!" cheered Sanae.

"Um," said the hair-eating youkai, "to improving one's behaviour and becoming a better person?"

"That's the spirit!" laughed Marisa.

Kosuzu raised a glass of orange juice. "To friendship!"

Ten curious eyes turned to face her.

"Uhh…" Kosuzu almost seemed to shrink. "Aren't we doing toasts any more?"

"What are you doing here? You didn't solve this Incident!" said Reimu archly.

"Yeah, I didn't see you when we were fighting those kage-onna triplets," said Marisa disapprovingly. "And we could have used your magic eyes in the Library of Alexandria's ghost!"

"Um, well, I'm not that good at danmaku. I'm just here to congratulate you?" said Kosuzu nervously.

"You think you have the right to celebrate with us?!" demanded Marisa. She rose angrily, knocking her chair down with a clatter. "You didn't fight, you didn't protect anyone, you didn't do a thing! You don't deserve to stand here!"

"B-but I don't- I'm not s-saying I did anything!" Kosuzu's knees knocked as she backed away. "I-I can go if you want me to…"

"Not before we punish you," growled Sanae.

"P… Punish…?" Kosuzu flinched as her back met the wall. "You can't! I-I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Attempting to see the resolution of an Incident when you yourself did nothing towards resolving it is a terrible sin. You, Kosuzu, if that truly is your name, are a disgrace." Sakuya took a knife from her pocket and smiled wickedly. "And I don't think you deserve to have so many organs inside your cheating little body. Is that fair?"

"N-no… Please!" whimpered Kosuzu. The wall was unnervingly firm behind her. There was no escape.

"I intend to gut you like a manatee," said Sakuya calmly.

"Then I'll burn her to a crisp!" declared Marisa.

"Do you want my help?" asked the goat woman.

"No, the situation is in hand," Sakuya reassured her.

"I'll jump up and down on Kosuzu's ashes!" bellowed Sanae.

"And I'll bind your worthless spirit to-"

"I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE DOING! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"

Silence descended. The Incident Resolvers were too stunned to speak.

"For pity's sake, all I did was come to your party! I'm not hurting anyone!" screamed Kosuzu. "I love you! You're my idols! Even if I'm not as strong as you, or as fast or as good at dodging bullets, why shouldn't I get to spend time with you?! I'm not pretending to be a hero! I just…" She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "It's not my fault I'm weak. I don't deserve to be left out because of it. Do I?"

"Er…" Reimu's gaze dropped to her feet.

"She might not," said Sanae, in a small voice.

Marisa bit her lip. "Look, threatening to kill her was a bit harsh. There are still rules, though-"

"And we would all do well to remember them."

All eyes turned to the front of the shrine. Yukari was stepping out of a purple void full of eyes, as per usual.

"Don't get me wrong," said Yukari, "your situation is a perfectly decent allegory for the frustration people feel when they struggle with a certain series of vertical-scrolling shooting games. However, in a franchise with a heart of supplementary materials and fanfiction running through its veins, you can hardly complain of being left out."

Kosuzu gave Reimu a beseeching look. "What's she talking about?"

"'She' is the cat's mother," said Yukari wryly. "We must not forget the will of he who is responsible for Gensokyo, either. You all know of whom I speak: a certain young game developer with a passion for musical composition who left his company to follow his own path, now a kind-hearted family man neither uninspired nor sober for twenty years and counting."

"A man?!" gasped Sanae. "I'd forgotten they exist!"

"Well, Sanae, you aren't always the brightest," Reimu tactfully pointed out. "But there definitely isn't a man responsible for Gensokyo. Or if there is, he must be very-"

"Please don't worry about things beyond your comprehension," said Yukari firmly. "As I was saying, between our creator and all those who follow in his footsteps, there is more than enough Touhou for anybody to enjoy. And it is his wish that nobody should see the true ending of an Incident unless they solved or helped solve it with their own strength and talents."

"You're not saying one of the gods is upset with me?!" wailed Kosuzu.

"Well, no, he isn't a god and he probably isn't aware of what you were trying to do," said Yukari. "Whether it is right for him to demand such a degree of secrecy in a series where many people prefer the characters and the storyline to the gameplay is debatable, but he has the right to do so. Do we not owe him that much?"


	27. Day 31: Celebration

**~Eastern Retrospective of About a Month~**

"Well, ladies and additional ladies, we did it. Three whole months without the Human Village being destroyed." Keine smiled wearily and poured Kanako a glass of aged plum wine.

"And I'm glad we managed it. You know, there hasn't been a day when Sanae wasn't out doing some heroic deed or another," said Kanako. She took the bottle and poured out a glass for Miko. "She didn't even spend a day in bed when she had that cold! And those doomsday cultists caught it off her!"

"Those poor saps. I didn't have any trouble knocking them senseless with my bare hands." Miko couldn't help but smile as she accepted the bottle. "Byakuren, you won't want any of this, right?"

"There's tea as well," said Keine. "Here, let me give you some."

Byakuren held out her glass and winced as the tea raised it to a painful temperature. "Thank you. Now, I don't mean any offence, but we shouldn't let this be about personal accomplishment. We're all working for peace and love and closer ties between humans and youkai-"

"You mean to protect humans from youkai," said Miko firmly.

"That is important to an extent," Keine piped up, "but the relationship doesn't have to be a one-sided one of fear and hatred. Anyway, let's not get into-"

"Do you want an eternal war?" asked Byakuren. "Because it sounds like you want an eternal war."

"Don't your beloved youkai need an eternal war to survive?" said Miko smugly.

"I-! No! Weaning every youkai in the world off fear is completely plausible!" snapped Byakuren.

"Sort of like how it's plausible for Shou not to forget that pagoda?" smirked Miko.

"Anyway," began Keine.

"You know perfectly well she had it with her that day! The newspapers lied!" said Byakuren angrily. "And besides, it was you who had to repair some sacred teapot using chocolate spread."

"It was PEANUT BUTTER, you tosser!" screamed Miko. "Need I remind you it was one of your lot who lost the Jewelled Tree?!"

"Anyway," began Kanako.

"Shou did nothing wrong! It was your legless wife who sneezed that tree right into the sodding canyon!" roared Byakuren.

"Honestly, this is the problem all you idiots have!" Miko ranted. "You come up with all these pie-in-the-sky plans for putting the world to rights and ending all society's problems, but no practical solutions grounded in reality!"

"Moving on from that," began Keine.

"Grrrr…" fumed Byakuren. "And just what would you call a practical solution? Turning the village into a military dictatorship which just happens to be led by you?! Don't try and lie to me, Miko, you just want a neverending war between youkai and humans so you can unite everybody under your banner!"

Miko scoffed. "And they call you the good-natured one."

"All right, then. Swear on your honour as a Taoist that you don't have any desire to fan the flames of violence and make yourself the leader of Gensokyo."

"…Um." Miko considered it. Then she drew her sword and laid into Byakuren.

Keine put her head in her hands. Kanako poured her some sake.


	28. Day 13: Light

**~Author's Note~**

As you'll remember me saying several months ago, I needed a little extra time for a few of these prompts, the first of which has finally come to fruition. Day thirteen's prompt was "light", and computer screens use thousands of tiny dots of light in order to display stuff, and video games tend to make heavy use of computer graphics, so I decided to go for a comedy about our intrepid heroines playing Minecraft! Incidentally, cringe culture is dead to me.

**~Worlds Within Worlds~**

"What's this, then?" said Reimu, watching with her head tilted as Sumireko laid down a slanted black box and plugged it into the wide, shiny screen she'd set up earlier that day.

"It's a Play Station Four!" said Sumireko proudly. "I said we were going to play games like nothing you've ever seen before, and to my oath I have kept."

"This is so exciting!" Sanae squeaked as she distributed some soft cushions on the shrine's wooden floor. "I haven't seen a new console in ages! Is sixteen-bit graphics still the standard?"

"Sixteen bit?!" scoffed Sumireko. "Oh, you poor, sweet summer child, I have so much to teach you. Try sixty-four bit on for size."

Sanae didn't believe it. "I don't believe it," she said. "Sixty-four?!" she added, in considerable shock.

Sumireko nodded.

"And I thought the transition to seventeen-bit architecture was gonna be tricky..." breathed Sanae.

"Hi, everyone! Room for a pain in the neck?" a familiar voice shouted from outside.

Reimu started. "Come on, that was years ago!" she cried, with reddening cheeks.

"I know. I'm just messing with you," smirked Tokiko. She leaned against the wooden doorframe and set about unlacing her boots.

Marisa squeezed past Tokiko, peering over a wicker basket twice the size of her head. "Got the salted triangles!" she declared. A crowd of thick, lumpy, misshapen yellow crisps jumped from the basket as Marisa flumped down on a suitable cushion. "These things were so hard to get right! I can see why they're a delicacy where you come from."

"I don't know about 'delicacy'..." said Sumireko, casually retrieving a crisp. Her face brightened as she crunched it down. "Wow, these aren't bad!"

Reimu took a handful. "What are they made of?"

"Potatoes, cornflour, salt, pepper, butter, shiitake mushrooms, chanterelles, shimeji, kaentake, psychosyllabub, ice wraith teeth, fairy earwax, ground bluebottle chitin and gunpowder!" declared Marisa.

Reimu choked on her mouthful of crisps.

"Well, they sound lovely." Tokiko stomped over in her linen socks and sampled a slightly poisonous morsel. Her eyes lit up with delight as she ate it. "Wow, that's crunchy!"

"I'm glad you're having fun," said Sumireko, smiling wryly as she pulled a DVD case out of her blouse. "Now, if you'd care to direct your attention to the screen... Reimers, you took care of the potato, didn't you?"

Reimu nodded and gestured to a large round potato sitting quietly on a wooden plate in the corner. Two jump leads connected it to the back of the television.

"Great! That should be enough juice for a few hours." Sumireko slid the shiny metal disc into its slot with a satisfying clunk and turned on the console. "Everyone got a controller?"

Sanae nodded.

"A what?" said Reimu.

Sumireko rolled her eyes and handed her one of the vaguely boomerang-shaped plastic things with buttons and a couple of short, stubby joysticks on it.

"Oh," said Reimu. "Thank you."

"This isn't going to transport us to another world, is it?" said Marisa, eyeing her controller suspiciously.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Sumireko winked. "Depends how you look at it, really. Now let's get going!"

* * *

An orange sky above the snow-dusted mountains heralded the rising sun. Five women wandered through the breezy pine forest below, cheap wooden tools in hand and bonus chest balanced on Reimu's head, in search of a place to make camp.

"I thought you said this was sixty-four-bit," Sanae piped up, regarding the pixellated leaves with curious eyes.

"Oh, it is! Probably. I mean, this is an enormous simulated world made out of cubes, and you need a lot of bits for that," explained Sumireko.

"Cool. Um, how many levels are there?"

"Le... Levels?" Sumireko stopped in her tracks and burst out laughing. "Levels?! Oh, my gods, Sanae, what year are you living in?! Minecraft doesn't have levels! I mean, the very idea!" she guffawed.

Marisa and Reimu shared an uncomfortable look. The implication was clear; what was Sumireko on about?

"Sumi, what are you on about?!" demanded Tokiko, showing less restraint.

"Levels are so last decade, people! There's an entire WORLD for us to explore!" ranted Sumireko. "Three of them, actually, but that's not important right now. It's not divided into levels. Everything we do affects the world, and we can do whatever we-" She broke off when she noticed a cream-coloured object bobbing up and down above the grass. "Ooh, an egg! Brilliant!"

"That's an egg?" said Reimu dubiously. In her experience, eggs didn't look so jaggedy around the edges.

Sumireko nodded. "Make sure you pick up anything else we could use."

"Anything? Oh, so this is like Morrowind!" said Sanae, getting it at last. "I love Morrowind. I still play that on my Xbox, as and when Lady Kanako remembers the electricity bill... Hey, did the Xbox Two come out yet?"

"Well, the Xbox 360 was popular a few years ago..." giggled Sumireko.

Sanae's eyes glazed over. She slowly toppled forwards and landed face-down among the leaf litter.

"Wow, you must be tired!" Sumireko felt bad for Sanae, but fainting would never not be hilarious.

"Um, girls? There's a green thing..." Marisa piped up. She pointed nervously to a tall, leafy-looking creature with a mournful expression that was stalking towards them on four stubby legs.

"A creeper! Aw, man...!" Trying not to giggle too hard, Sumireko hefted Sanae's limp body and bolted away between the trees, crashing through bushes and tall grass. A scream echoed through the forest ten seconds later. Reimu and Marisa shared another uncomfortable look.

"Can I help you?" said Tokiko brusquely, taking a step towards the creeper. It hissed and lunged towards her, only to end up squirming helplessly in a firm headlock.

"What a strange creature!" Curious, Marisa stepped towards Tokiko and the struggling creeper. "It looks like... Some kind of shrubbery!"

"It's got an attitude problem, whatever it is." Tokiko rubbed the top of the creeper's head with her knuckles, making it hiss in anguish. It began to flash with white light. "Hmm? What are you-"

The green creature exploded. Marisa hit the deck. The ringing in her ears gave way to silence as the smoke cleared, leaving Tokiko red-faced in a deep, messy crater which looked as if a dozen cubes of earth had been carved right out of the ground.

Reimu ran to the edge of the hole. "What happened?! Tokiko, are you all right?!"

"Yeah, just a little bit exploded..." Tokiko grimaced and wiped the soot from her eyes. "So when are you adding a kamikaze section to the spell-card rules?"

"Ah... Kamikaze attacks are something we discourage," said Reimu carefully. She reached out to help Tokiko up, but Tokiko just flew out of the crater. "Right. Well, we'd better find Sanae and Sumireko."

"They went this way." Keeping a tight grip on the stone axe she'd pilfered from the bonus chest without telling anybody, Marisa led them through the woods until she fell down a ravine.

"Oh, no! Marisa!" Reimu jumped in after her, using the chest as a terribly ineffective parachute.

"There should be a fence around this thing!" shouted Tokiko. "Wait, can we build one? That's something we can do in this game, right? Ladies?"

A few seconds went by in silence, then Sanae's voice echoed up from the ravine. "We found a portal! Come on, Tokiko, let's go through it!"

Tokiko squinted down into the dark, deep ravine until she spotted a bright patch between the cubic rocks. She cloaked herself in blue fire and dove into the crack. She found her four friends in what looked like a dilapidated brick cellar that opened out onto the damp ravine floor.

They were crowded around a square portal made of pockmarked yellow rock, curious for the most part, although Sumireko was caught between shock and resignation. The portal was an inky black void full of swirling stars that seemed to have more space to move about in than the frame would ordinarily hold.

"Sumi said there's a final boss on the other side of this! I can't wait to duel her!" said Sanae, bouncing up and down and clapping her hands.

"I bet she's cute!" said Marisa eagerly.

"I bet she's strong!" said Sanae eagerly.

"I'm sure we can take her!" said Reimu eagerly.

"Reimu just activated it. Just like that," Sumireko explained in a dull voice. "One tap with her orb and the portal's open. There aren't even supposed to be yin-yang orbs in the game!"

Reimu blinked. "Why wouldn't there be?"

"Because... Nobody programmed them in?"

"That is a bit weird." Sanae's brow furrowed. "Still, I'm not complaining!" she added, whipping out her purification rod. "Let's do it!"

* * *

Reimu was the last to step into the portal. As soon as her toe touched the scintillating abyss she was gone, yanked between dimensions in the blink of an eye. She emerged in darkness with cold, smooth rock beneath her feet and darkness smothering her eyes.

"Um... Hello? Marisa? Anyone?" breathed Reimu. "Are you there?"

"Oh, hi! It's a bit dark, isn't it?" Marisa's familiar voice brought Reimu a fair bit of comfort.

"Very dark. Tokiko, can you light yourself up again?" whispered Reimu, who had no idea why she was whispering.

Tokiko nodded, although nobody could see it. Fierce blue flames erupted all over her body, bathing the surrounding rock in light and dazzling her friends. Squinting down at her feet, Reimu could see flat pockmarked stone which looked rather like the portal frame, although Tokiko's light gave it a discomforting teal glow. She took courage as her eyes stopped hurting and looked up ahead. Leaning on a sheer wall of the same cratered stone, Sanae gave her a cheery wave.

There was stone to the left and right, too, and stone behind her. With a rising sense of alarm, Reimu lifted her gaze to the ceiling. Solid rock. They were trapped in a wide rectangular cave, deep beneath the earth, and there was no return portal in sight.

"Looks like we're trapped," said Reimu, certain that she wasn't a little bit worried.

"You're right. And it won't be long before we eat all the oxygen..." whimpered Marisa, who only had a vague sense of how breathing worked. She rounded on Sumireko in an angry panic. "Hey! You promised we wouldn't be transported to another world, and now we're trapped here! What are you going to do about it?!"

"Come on, don't start blaming me! This always happens!" cried Sumireko, raising her hands in a gesture of peace. "The turning up underground in the End, I mean, not the being transported into the game for real. But it's fine, we just have to tunnel our way out. Anyone who's got a pickaxe-"

"Oh, why didn't you say so before?! MASTER SPAAAAAAARK!"

Sumireko tried to cover her eyes, but the fiery orange glow through her hands and eyelids was still enough to dazzle her. The air quickly grew hot as love-coloured energy bounced between the walls, assaulting her ears with a mighty noise. Her nose wrinkled at the acrid scent of burning end stone. She felt a tug on her sleeve and the next thing she knew she was lying face-down, her cheek flat against the cold yellow stone.

"Wow, the author really learned a lot from that 'appealing to the five senses' essay he read on tumblr!" observed Sanae, just about making herself heard over the cacophony.

"Aaaaugh, my spine!" screamed Sumireko, catching several heavy chunks of rock with her back. Thankfully, the onslaught didn't last much longer.

Marisa coughed and wafted away some smoke. She let out a gasp of joy as a cool breeze rushed in from up above. "Look, everyone, we're free! I did it!"

Everybody crowded around Marisa at the entrance to a short, wide tunnel, still smouldering where the master spark had carved it out. They could see towering pitch-black pillars reaching into the dark blue sky far above, crowds of tall purple-eyed creatures wandering aimlessly around them.

"Those are endermen. Make sure you don't look them in the eye," Sumireko warned her pals as they clambered out into the faint starlight.

"Why not?" asked Tokiko, looking one in the eye.

"Er..." Sumireko laughed nervously as the enderman materialised behind Tokiko in a burst of purple sparks. "That's why?"

Tokiko cried out in alarm as the enderman smacked her head with his slender chitinous forearm. She grabbed the arm, swung its dismayed owner around a few times and hurled him into an obsidian pillar. "What a cheeky bastard," she said archly.

With a long, breathy growl, the enderman shook the concussion out of his head and came running at Tokiko.

"Oh, back for round two?" Tokiko set her fists on fire and charged. She took a swing at the enderman's skinny thigh, but her knuckles met nothing but thin air. "What the-?!"

The enderman rematerialised and kicked Tokiko in the wing. She grabbed his leg and bit it off at the knee. The enderman screamed like a vacuum cleaner trying to endure a tornado. Tokiko spat out black flesh, smiled a sweet, sharp smile dripping with purple blood and introduced the sobbing enderman's skull to her boot.

"Boy, it feels good to cut loose once in a while!" laughed Tokiko. She noticed the looks of shock and amazement her friends were sporting and stuck out her tongue. "No offence to anyone who invented an entire combat system to get away from that stuff."

"None taken," said Reimu, and then a dragon crashed into her.

The Ender Dragon's wings stretched out like sails, covering the stars. Her ridged purple eyes burned with a deep, ancient hunger. Flames wafted from her jaws as she swept around in a wide arc, high above the bare rock and the pillars below. She drew in a breath and charged again.

"Scatter!" screamed Sumireko. Her friends didn't need telling twice. Marisa hauled Reimu onto her feet and they soared out in all directions. The dragon roared and furiously beat her wings, narrowly avoiding a painful nose-dive. Her burning gaze fell once more upon Reimu, who was sorting her spell-cards in the shadow of an obsidian tower. The dragon shot towards her.

Surging along like a meteor, the dragon looked almost unstoppable. So had many youkai, but Reimu tended to stop them anyway. She gripped her wand and took aim. "Divine Arts: Omnidirectional Dragon-Slaying Circle!"

Reimu's divine power set the air alight in red and white. Hundreds of amulets battered the Ender Dragon's scales, but she didn't so much as flinch as she ploughed on. Her jaws snapped shut on thin air as Reimu dashed away. The beast's tail lashed towards her at incredible speed. Reimu barely had time to react. The razor-sharp tip raked her skin.

"Oh, my gods! Are you all right?!" yelled Marisa, diving towards her soulmate.

"No! Thanks for asking!" replied Reimu, bleeding from a nasty gash on her stomach. "I think she's immune to danmaku. We have to- Marisa, watch out!"

"Wha-?!" was all Marisa could blurt out before a column of purple fire struck her head-on, bathing her body in pain. She screamed, flopped down on an iron cage at the top of a pillar and frantically patted out the flames.

Sumireko bit her lip. "Um, the first thing to do is-"

"Believe in ourselves!" declared Sanae. "One Incident-Resolver can only do so much, but together we're invincible! Let's unleash our power all at once!"

Tokiko nodded. "For freedom!"

Sanae thrust her wand into the sky. "For love!"

Sumireko shrugged. It was just a game; they could try her strategy later. "For the future of both our worlds!"

"Now! Our combination spell-card attack!" Three voices rang out as one. "Light of Eternity: Sacred Triptych Breaker!"

The air seemed to catch fire as thousands upon thousands of bullets burst forwards and hammered on the Ender Dragon's scales. Sumireko, Tokiko and Sanae hovered side by side, arms outstretched, sweating as they poured their energy into the attack.

"Great thinking! Let me give you a hand!" Still giving off a few wisps of smoke, Marisa took aim. "Love Sign: MASTER SPARK!"

"Spirit Sign: Fantas- oww... F-fantasy Seal!" agreed Reimu.

The dragon leapt over the beam with a roar of defiance and batted at Reimu's luminous orbs, but the bullets were clearly taking their toll. Her head hung low as she drew heavy breaths.

Eight beams of shimmering light pulsed out from the obsidian towers, startling Marisa into a dive that almost became a splat. The beams poured into the dragon's skin, restoring her scales to a shine.

"Ah... Thing is, we have to destroy the crystals first," said Sumireko. "Otherwise she'll just regenerate."

Reimu shot her an annoyed look. "Couldn't you have mentioned that soon-" Reimu was unable to finish her sentence because the dragon chose that moment to swallow her whole.

Sanae's jaw dropped. "How could you?! Eating people is illegal!" she cried, bristling with righteous indignation.

With a mighty roar, the dragon swooped towards Sanae and gulped her down as well. Sanae and Reimu's muffled screams could be heard inside her scaly abdomen.

"The crystals! We have to destroy the crystals! Move!" yelled Sumireko, making a beeline for the nearest pillar. A fireball singed her hat as it whooshed overhead. As soon as she set eyes on the scitillating purple orb capping off the pillar, Sumireko threw out a dozen zener cards, trusting that at least one of them would hit it.

The dragon swooped downwards. Sumireko felt smooth scales sweep across her skin as she swerved to avoid the mighty beast, only to have her ears battered into submission by a deafening explosion. Her cards must have hit home. With renewed confidence, Sumireko launched herself at a short, stout pillar crowned with an iron cage and thrust her arm between the bars.

Some dusty corner of Sumireko's brain was reminding her that it was impossible to reach through iron bars in Minecraft without rewriting the source code, but she ignored it and sprayed the shimmering crystal with fire. The ensuing explosion seared Sumireko's fingers and almost broke her wrist. She fell from the tower amid twisted pieces of iron and hit the ground bum-first with a howl of agony. Her whole body was in pain by then. What was it people did in such times? Regroup? The word sounded right, but it made little sense for one girl to regroup with herself.

A heavy thump brought Sumireko out of her semantic ponderings. The Ender Dragon had touched down in front of her, her oblong jaws trailing pink smoke and a scrap of Tokiko's dress. Sumireko edged backwards and cast her eyes around for Marisa, but the sight of her broom lying in splinters at the foot of the tallest pillar confirmed the worst. How was she to be the last one to get eaten?

In a voice like thunder, the Ender Dragon spoke. "Well, well, I see that you have finally been brought to a stop, and by gravity of all things. Good. I have been waiting a long time for this moment, Sumireko."

Sumireko's jaw dropped. "You know my name?!"

"Of course." The dragon smiled as best she could with a long snout. "I have known you for years, little girl. I watched as you punched down your first tree. I witnessed the first skeleton who shot you from behind. I saw the three-block-wide Nether portal you spent an hour trying and failing to ignite. I was there in spirit while you dug out an entire chunk, just to see what happened. And I wept as you hunted my children for their pearls."

Sumireko smiled nervously. "Um... Sorry?"

"I saw the first house you built, the curving roof you tried so hard to get right, the statue of Sailor Moon you left with a bald spot after you ran out of yellow wool," the dragon continued. "And of course, I peered into your little corner of the Outside World while you were drawing that comic. The Adventures of Otenba-no-Kagemura, wasn't it? Something about a half-blaze, half-enderwoman with a shimmering tuft of pink hair hanging over her left eye, and her forbidden love with-"

"All right, no need to mention that!" Sumireko's cheeks were about as pink as her character's hair.

"I mean, really, she could have done so much better than Herobrine's twin sister!" The dragon laughed briefly before her expression turned grim. "You know, Sumireko, when compared to your happy childhood, my own existence hasn't been so great. I have faced hundreds of millions of people such as yourself, all safe behind their keyboards or their controllers, and I have died billions of times. Countless people from countless worlds, all determined to slay me for no reason other beyond the fact that I was there."

"And now, you come before me." The dragon spoke with such relish that Sumireko found herself very afraid. "You, who dance between worlds, were foolish enough to come to the world beyond your own and then try to enter mine. Oh, what a grand and intoxicating innocence! I am a goddess! You cannot kill me-" she scowled at a muffled cry from inside her stomach. "Shut up in there, green-haired girl. Dagoth Ur won't sue me for copyright infringement if he knows what's good for him."

"I need to play Morrowind one of these days," muttered Sumireko.

"Unfortunately, you won't be alive for long enough." Abruptly, the dragon's maw split open. Sumireko felt burning breath on her skin as she lunged desperately to the side, flattening her nose and jarring her left arm as she rolled and took to the air. Fireballs roared past her. The dragon's jaws snapped shut on the hem of her dress, bringing her to a jarring stop. Sumireko's glasses tumbled from her eyes as she tore free.

The dragon drew in a deep breath and unleashed a roaring column of purple flames. This time, Sumireko was too slow. The fire seared her skin and clothes. The pain was staggering, enough to bring tears to her eyes. With what little strength she had left, she curled up beneath a sturdy obsidian pillar and sat there, hugging her knees and trying not to cry. Where had the afternoon gone wrong? She'd never been sucked inside her own games console before, let alone assaulted by a dragon.

A loud crack sounded above where she was sitting. Sumireko looked up. Her heart leapt into her throat. Against all logic and reason, the pillar was bending slowly towards her. "You cannot hide from me, Sumireko! This world and all within it are mine!" the Ender Dragon roared. Her wings were beating hard as she pushed against the pillar with all her strength. Ten seconds of effort were enough for it to snap.

"W-we're not on a first-name basis!" yelled Sumireko, diving out of the way just in time. A rough landing added two bruised knees to her list of injuries.

The dragon snorted. "You may call me Jean," she declared, swooping towards her prey. "I wonder how many times you will be able to say it before I claim your life..."

Sumireko's head was spinning. How could the Ender Dragon break obsidian? How could the pillar fall down instead of just sitting there with nothing holding it up?! There was no way she could take on a final boss who wouldn't follow the rules. What would the papers say? "Teenage Girl Found Dead During Nap, Spirit Assumed Lost Inside Console In Parallel Dimension"?!

Then again, could it be said that the rules of the game mattered with Marisa throwing her lasers around like a disco ball and Tokiko eating endermen alive? Aside from flying and a spot of magic, Sumireko hadn't begun to test her own powers.

As the plan took shape in her mind, Sumireko felt her strength returning. She pushed off the ground, zipped down between Jean's legs and dove beneath the End, flying as close to the craggy base of the island as she could. Jean followed her, keeping low to avoid bashing her wings on the rock.

Sumireko reached out with her mind and felt for a cube of the cream-coloured rock. She wrenched it away from its stony brethren and hurled it at Jean's face. The dragon let out a pained growl as it bashed into her snout.

Sumireko broke into a wide grin. "You felt that, didn't you?! I'm not powerless, Jean!"

"Good. I would hate to defeat you without a challenge!" Jean roared and charged towards Sumireko. Sumireko chucked a radio tower at her. Jean's eyes widened. She plummeted into the void, her roars of defiance barely audible above the screech of twisting metal as she batted the tower with her wings.

A sudden fear gripped Sumireko's heart. If Jean was consumed by the void, what would become of her friends trapped in the dragon's stomach? Would they become nothing before they could fly to safety? Sumireko was almost relieved to see Jean flying back up with a murderous look in her eye and a sharp piece of iron embedded in her left foreleg.

The plan had worked, but Sumireko wasn't about to take any more risks with the Void. She soared back up over the End, Jean hot on her tail. Sumireko made a beeline for the nearest obsidian tower, grasped the iron cage at the top with her psychic powers and hurled it over Jean's snout. The weight of the cage combined with the disorientation brought Jean tumbling to the ground.

Sumireko knew she had to act fast. She summoned a roaring torrent of water and sprayed Jean furiously, making her gasp and splutter. Sumireko had only a second to press her advantage. Summoning all her strength, she launched herself towards Jean and unleashed the brightest, purplest beam of energy she could muster.

"OW!" cried Jean, falling onto her back. The Ender Dragon may have been dazed, but Sumireko's magic didn't seem to be doing much damage. She needed something with a little more kick to it. Sumireko kicked Jean several times in the face, then chucked another radio tower at her.

Jean groaned loudly. "Sumireko, can we talk about this?"

Sumireko pulled out her plastic gun and slid a red hihi'irokane bullet into the firing chamber. "Sorry, it turns out we can't. Because you see, Jean..." she wracked her brains for a suitable quote from one of CaptainSparklez's music videos, but came up wanting. "...Um. Bang?"

* * *

A million beads of light winked out as the high-definition liquid crystal display turned black. Sumireko laid down her controller, sighed heavily and flopped down among the cushions and dazed warrior-maidens.

"Oh, gods... Who turned on the lights?" groaned Sanae, shielding her eyes from the evening sun.

"Are we still in that dragon?" Reimu squinted up at the roof. Her face lit up when she realised where she was. "Wait a minute! We're back!"

"And not a moment too soon!" said Tokiko earnestly. Her wings had reacted very badly to the acid. "Sumireko, please tell me you don't want us to go in there again."

"Of course not," said Sumireko earnestly. "Actually, I was thinking we could try Skyrim next! You'll love it, Sanae. It's even more like Morrowind, except snowier. Maybe we'll get to go to Sovngarde! Ooh, or maybe the Soul Cairn! I wonder what Serana would think of us..."

"Wonderful! It's been so long since I talked to my cousin Alduin the World-Eater."

Sumireko jumped. A tall, beefy woman with piercing eyes and a curtain of jet-black hair that fell to her ankles was leaning against the wall, talking casually as if nothing unusual had happened.

"I wonder whether he's got around to eating the world yet..."

"Um," said Sumireko in a small voice, "who are you?"

The tall woman smiled at her. "I think you know well enough, Sumireko. And incidentally, I can't wait to see that comic book!"

"Wh... WHAT?! Jean, I literally just killed you!" screamed Sumireko.

"Which wasn't very nice, but what's one murder between friends?" said Jean charitably.

Sumireko put her head in her hands.

Marisa nudged Reimu under the ribcage. "Who is she?" she whispered.

"I don't know..." Reimu cast an appraising eye over the tall stranger. "She seems all right, though. I wonder if she's hungry."


	29. Day 29: Original

**~Author's Note~**

This year's Gensokyo Festival starts tomorrow at the time of writing, and I've only just finished an entry from last year's. Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary people, let's get a cheer for the aardvark and his superb timing!

The twenty-ninth prompt was "original", so for this extremely late chapter, I decided to write an original take on some beloved Touhou characters. To whit: Meiling is boastful and full of confidence, Youmu is on the autistic spectrum, Flandre is a manipulative little brat, Sanae is just generally Sanae, and Reimu... you'll see.

**~Let's Shake Things Up A Little~**

Meiling's hoe hit the dry, lumpen soil with a soft crunch. She deftly pulled up a clump of earth and plucked out a weed, which she tossed into her wheelbarrow.

She whistled a merry tune as she gardened, turning the toil into something that might as well have been fun. Meiling had heard that every day was a holiday if you enjoyed your job, and while she couldn't say she prefered her work to sunning herself on the beach or reading manga, it didn't feel anything like a chore.

"You are getting on well, I take it?"

"Hm?" Meiling glanced over her shoulder and saw Sakuya coming towards her. "I'm doing a lot better now that you're here!"

Sakuya's cheeks reddened. "Now, come on! We're not even married!" she cried, trying with little success to sound disapproving. "No, actually, I have a favour I wish to ask of you. Would you be willing to accompany Flandre on a trip to the village today? I was to chaperone her, but the fairies require my attention as usual... Will you be able to handle her?"

Meiling scoffed. "I grew up fighting the Huns, sweetie. I think I can survive one little vampire. So, um, when are we going?"

Safe beneath a wide, floppy sun hat, Flandre bounded over as soon as the words had escaped Meiling's lips. "Come on, Meiling, let's go!" she squeaked, tugging on Meiling's sleeve.

"I do believe you'll be leaving four seconds from now." Sakuya gave Meiling an apologetic smile and took Flandre's hand. "Enjoy your trip, young mistress. Be good for Auntie Meiling!"

"Why, of course I shall! The very idea that I mightn't...!" gasped Flandre, pressing a hand to her mortally offended heart. "I'll be good, Meiling! You know I always am."

"That's what Chairman Mao said," muttered Meiling. She cleared her throat, pushed those dark thoughts away and impaled her hoe in the soil. "Right, then, the world's our oyster! Race you to Misty Lake?"

"Gladly, Auntie dearest. We shall begin on the count of threetwooneGO!" Flandre shot down the garden path in a shower of gravel.

"And may the best Meiling win!" shouted Meiling, sprinting after her.

* * *

The race ended prematurely when Flandre tripped over a tsuchinoko and Meiling tripped over Flandre, who kept up a constant stream of complaints as they strolled towards the village.

"...And let's not forget it cost sixty thousand yen! Sixty thousand yen I shan't be seeing again any time soon. Sixty thousand yen which could just as easily have bought several orphans a warm bed for the night-"

"But they wouldn't have, would they?" Meiling butted in.

Flandre pouted. "They certainly won't now that I have to buy myself a replacement dress..."

"It's just a few tears. Nothing that can't be sewn up."

"But I can't sew! My little fingers would end up all pockmarked and calloused from the needle," said Flandre, still pouting dolefully. "Besides, as a lady of great standing, I can hardly do peasant work."

"You'll be a lady of great whimpering if you don't shut up," muttered Meiling.

Flandre stared at Meiling with her head tilted. "What was that, Auntie dearest? Surely you were not implying-"

Fortunately for Meiling, Flandre was cut off by the sudden arrival of Sanae. The sudden, hasty, violent arrival of Sanae, direct to her head from the highest branches of a beech tree.

"What the Orochi?!" cried Meiling.

"Oh, my days, Sanae! I knew that would happen!" Youmu came running to Sanae's side. "Are you all right? I-I hope you haven't broken anything. Or got a hernia."

"Come on, stop fussing over me! I'm fine!" Sanae stood up a little shakily and smiled. "The gods heard the cry of fear from deep inside my heart and gave me a soft landing. Thanks, Flanniekins!"

"Ow..." groaned Flandre.

Youmu contemplated the situation for a few seconds, then lunged forwards and gave Sanae a tight hug.

"Ahhh...! My little honey blossom, you're so snuggly..." sighed Sanae.

"How delightful for you," growled Flandre.

"Being with you, Sanae... It-it's a feeling I can't come close to describing!" gasped Youmu. She trembled as Sanae caressed her blushing cheek. "All that being said, the girl you're standing on is probably-"

"Don't talk, sweetpea." Sanae pressed a finger to Youmu's lips. "There's so much more we could do with our mouths."

"Come on, you're standing on a vampire. Move," said Meiling heavily.

Before Youmu could find the words to explain that Flandre had begun kicking her shins and they really ought to step off, her mouth was full of tongue. The world seemed to melt away as Youmu gave in to her passion. Her heart pounded. She kissed Sanae with a lifetime's worth of pent-up love, too difficult to speak, too painful to hold.

They pulled apart, panting, their cheeks flushed. All thought of Flandre had melted away. For Youmu, there was nothing left in the universe but Sanae's sparkling emerald eyes and her soft pink lips.

Sanae's aforementioned lips parted in a smile. "I love you, Youmu! I love you so much!"

"I..." breathed Youmu. "I love you too, Sanae! I love you!"

Sanae pressed her nose against Youmu's, leaving her more than a little bemused. Sanae giggled. So did Youmu.

Flandre couldn't take any more. "In the name of sanity, GET OFF!" she barked, flinging Sanae off the road. She and Youmu smashed through a couple of bushes, screaming in joy and terror respectively, and plopped down in a stony brook.

* * *

Sanae awoke on cold grass, her dress clinging clammily all over the place. Meiling and Youmu were kneeling over her with concern in their eyes. Sanae groaned and sat up.

Youmu gasped. "Sanae! You aren't dead!"

"I'd still come home with you if I was," giggled Sanae.

"Oh, Sanae..." Youmu helped Sanae up, clasping her hands with considerable tenderness.

"Nothing broken?" asked Meiling.

Sanae shook her head. "I'm fine! What happened, though?"

"You fell on me," said Flandre venomously.

"Yeah, that's pretty much... She was walking under that tree when you came down," explained Meiling, shifting uncomfortably. "Then she got a bit fed up of you standing on her and, well..."

"I did try to tell you," Youmu pointed out.

"Gee... This is really not my day!" Sanae laughed. She noticed Flandre looking bored behind Meiling and gave her a smile. "Sorry I fell on you, Flanniekins."

"Apology accepted," said Flandre. "And never call me that again."

"Well," said Meiling, "we'd better get going. Sorry about her, you two. Good luck with the trees, snogging and stuff."

"Thank you!" said Sanae brightly, shinnying up another tree. She waved at them from on high while Youmu fretted around the trunk.

Flandre tugged on Meiling's sleeve. "Come on, Auntie, the village awaits us!"

"You're sure you still want to go? This trip's been a shi- a _disaster_ so far. It might be best if we call it off for now," Meiling endeavoured not to swear.

"What?" Flandre's face fell. "You mean... You don't want to take me?"

"Well, I do, but... The sunk cost fallacy's not worth it, Flandre. We'll get you some clean clothes and try again tomorrow."

"I understand," pouted Flandre. "Even though I was wounded, frightened and in a terrible panic, I should have restrained myself rather than lashing out like I always do. Honestly, I am ashamed to be such a burden on my family, not to mention poor, sweet, hard-working Meiling..."

"Give me strength," muttered Meiling. "No, that's not what I'm saying! I know you only acted in self-defence," she said aloud, "but I just want a cup of tea and, no, come on, don't cry... Oh, no..."

"It's j-just that this was my first time out of the basement this year!" sniffled Flandre, dabbing her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "I-I only wanted to have a nice trip with Auntie Meiling! To fail and be punished for it over and over is my only purpose, though, so what right have I even to mention my feelings? I am but a wretched failure of a vampire."  
Whimpering softly, Flandre began to trudge ever so slowly back towards the mansion.

"All right, I'm sure the Youkai Amateur Dramatics Coven would be proud of you, but we need to get a move on!" Meiling was approaching the end of her tether. She laid a hand on Flandre's shoulder and tried to push her along. She didn't get far before she felt a hand on her own shoulder.

"Meiling, you can't just send her home." On the other end of the arm attached to the hand was Youmu, trying to steady her voice while she trembled with rage. "I can't believe you. One accident and one, um, overreaction, and you decide she's better off imprisoned?! The sheer arrogance and cruelty!"

"Wha-?" Meiling rounded on her. "You don't have the faintest idea what I have to deal with! It's none of your business how I raise my ward, so don't act like I'm some kind of monster."

"You-! You're treating her like she's something to be ashamed of! Which she isn't! Flandre needs love and kind treatment, not scorn and ostracisation!" ranted Youmu.

"But-but I'm not-! Youmu, use your loaf! She's manipulating you! You don't know what she's like!" wailed Meiling.

"I know how people treat children who fail to live up to their version of normalcy." Scorn dripped from Youmu's voice. "I lived through that. Now my spirit is strong, and with these blades forged by youkai-"

"All right, let's bring it down a little! We can talk- umph?!" Sanae came running over and took a speeding Flandre to the stomach.

"O brave, kind priestess of light! How can this humble vampire ever hope to repay you for such kindness?!" Weeping with joy, Flandre gazed adoringly up at Sanae.

Sanae's heart melted. "Y-you poor little thing... I don't want repaying! I just want to make the world a more loving place!" She dropped to her knees, putting herself level with Flandre, and cradled her in her arms while she wept.

"Oh, for Ryujin's sake! This is a shitshow!" Meiling threw up her hands in defeat. "Just let me tell you this, Self-Styled Social Service Sisterhood of Eastern Fantasy; that girl is the most devious one you'll ever-"

"Neither of us want to hear it!" snapped Youmu.

Gazing numbly over Youmu's head, Meiling caught Flandre's eye. Flandre smiled and flipped the bird at her.

"Obnoxious little..." Meiling folded her arms. "Do what you want, but I'm coming with you."

"That's fine," simpered Flandre, cutting Youmu off before she could do any stabbing. "I have no need for fear now that Sanae and Youmu are with me, do I?"

Youmu looked at Sanae. Sanae looked at Youmu.

"Probably not!" declared Sanae. "Shall we get tempura?"

* * *

It was unusually quiet when the foursome entered the village. A few looks were cast at Flandre's shimmering wings, but no-one was prepared to bother Sanae about the company she kept without an angry mob behind them.

"Where is everyone?" asked Meiling, keeping her voice low.

"Somewhere else, most likely. Oh, now that I think of it, they're doing a live show at the Museum of Modern Art today! For the children. I heard it was something about Princess Kaguya," Sanae piped up as she led her mates to the market. "You'll love it, Flandre! We should go when we've eaten!"

Flandre was not convinced. "But Sanae, these live performances tend to involve so much more style than substance. I doubt an ersatz Kaguya could ever match the beauty and majesty of her true self..."

"Uhh..." Sanae's brow furrowed. "You've met her, sweetpea. Was Kaguya the sort of girl you can act as?"

Youmu blinked. "I, um. Well. If you could get her voice right, as well as the flowing multicoloured dress and her regal fringe, plus the rest of her hair... One would at least be able to tell it was Kaguya. But an actress could probably never be mistaken for the genuine article."

Meiling nudged Sanae. "Tell her no-one in the village will have seen Kaguya before, so it doesn't really matter."

"Oh, Meiling..." Sanae rolled her eyes. "Youmu, Meiling would like to inform you that no-one in the village will have seen Kaguya before, so it doesn't really matter."

"Tell Meiling that even if nobody here has seen Kaguya, the theatrical company should still try their hardest for authenticity," sniffed Youmu.

Sanae sighed. "Meiling, Youmu says- Oh, hey, it's Reimu! Hi, Reimu!"

The Shrine Maiden of Paradise was perched on a stout dry-stone wall at the side of the street, staring off into nowhere with her yin-yang orbs lying by her feet.

"Hello there, Reimu!" said Youmu brightly.

"Wow, she almost said that like a normal person," Flandre observed much too loudly.

Reimu just sat there as the foursome wandered over.

"Um, hello?" Sanae knelt down in front of Reimu and waved a hand through her field of vision. "Anyone home? Reimu?"

For ten seconds, all was quiet. Then Reimu let out a terrified gasp. Sanae toppled over backwards with a scream, bashing her head on Flandre's nose. Flandre screamed.

"The orbs... They hunger!" Reimu cried with a raspy voice. "I-I don't know how much longer I can hold them back. The orbs must feed! The orbs must feed! The orbs must-"

"Reimu, snap out of it!" Meiling grasped the shrine maiden's shoulders, making her flinch. "Slow down there, sister. Do you mean those orbs? Why do they have to feed?"

"Stop! Don't touch me!" Reimu tried to push Meiling's hands away, but it was like trying to push a lorry with a pair of roller skates.

"Reimu, we're on your side... Mostly..." groaned Sanae, rubbing her mildly concussed head.

"Yeah, so work with us, will you?" said Meiling.

"No... Meiling, you don't understand! Y-you can't be near me!" whimpered Reimu, shrinking from her touch. "The orbs... They crave blood!"

"Well, I'b got sobe for dem..." moaned Flandre, clutching at her nose. "Just kidding! I'm unbreakable!" she laughed, sticking her tongue out at Reimu.

Reimu let out a piercing scream. Some unseen force threw Meiling back and dragged Reimu up into the air, whimpering from the pain, her arms stretched out as far as they could go. The yin-yang orbs rose unbidden from the ground to hover at her sides.

"What's she playing at?!" cried Sanae, grabbing Youmu's hand.

"I don't think she's playing!" panicked Youmu.

"This looks bad." Meiling stood up and moved in front of Flandre.

"This looks fun!" Flandre did her best to peek past Meiling.

Reimu's eyes had turned white. Blank-faced, she brandished her wand. "Vengeance is upon you."

Youmu gulped. "Sanae, tell Meiling I'm willing to agree an immediate truce."

"Youmu, for pity's sake-"

"Agreed," said Meiling.

"It will do you no good." Reimu's voice was as cold as ice. "I am Hakurei-no-Tenkei-no-Kikojou, the goddess who guards humankind from the darkness within them. My orbs have chosen you for death."

Sanae gasped. "Guys, that's not Reimu. I-I think she's been posessed!"

Meiling turned to her with enough scorn in her eyes to make Sanae's blood run cold. "Nooooo, really?!" she gasped, piling on the sarcasm. "How on Earth did you work that out?!"

A barrage of amulets thwapped into Sanae before she could respond. She fell at Youmu's feet.

"Sanae! Oh, my gods!" Youmu drew her swords and threw herself towards Kikojou. "You evil, selfish goddess, I'll make you pay-"

A yin-yang orb ploughed into Youmu's stomach and smashed her against the road.

"If you consort with youkai, you die." Reimu's familiar face twisted into a cruel mockery of a smile as Kikojou celebrated her success. "Speaking of which, have you any final words, demons?"

"Not if I can help it," said Meiling grimly. "Flandre, you stand back- oh, who am I kidding? Get her!"

"With pleasure!" Flandre unsheathed Laevattein and got to work.

* * *

In a grassy valley that had taken the village's best carpenters a couple of afternoons to nail together, the Demon King had unknowingly met his match. He laughed a cruel, superior laugh, shaking the curly cardboard horns on his head.

"Do you truly expect me to fear one mortal whelp? Such a thing could never happen. I am the Demon King, ruler of Makai and master of dark magic!" he bellowed, just in case anyone had forgotten.

"Mortal is a relative term, demon, and I'll show you how easily it can apply to you." His dainty-looking opponent turned to face the audience. She planted one hand firmly on her hip and thrust the other straight into the air. "Light of the silver mirror, carress my soul! Serene Warrior of Love, Princess Kaguya!"

Lightning flashed, courtesy of Keine hovering above the stage with a torch and a socking great blue lens. The audience cheered. The actress scarpered off stage to be replaced by her twin sister, decked out in full moon princess regalia.

The Demon King was not impressed. "Serene Warrior of Love or not, I won't lose to the likes of you. Prepare to witness the full extent of my power!"

"No, you are the one the likes of whom to which I won't lose! With the sword my mother once carried, I'll defeat you!" Kaguya unsheathed a bulky, overdesigned wooden sword and posed heroically. "You can buy your own one of these at the museum gift shop, by the way!"

Every parent in the audience winced.

"You know, this is just like the tokusatsu back home." Reclining on the second row of rickety wooden chairs with her head in Youmu's lap, Sanae sighed fondly. "You've got to love them, really. Even through all the commercialism and hackneyed plots, they've got heart."

"I, um... I don't know what a 'Toekoo Satsoo' is, so I can't comment," said Youmu. "Flandre, how are you finding it?"

"It's stupid." Flandre was leaning further back than Youmu thought possible with her arms crossed and a huge scowl on her face. "Too much sparkling, not enough red lipstick and oversized platform boots, no-one's even been tortured to death! How am I supposed to enjoy such a childish play?"

"Well, I find the choreography quite impressive," said Hakurei-no-Tenkei-no-Kikojou, still inhabitating a badly bruised Reimu. "Anybody can flail their sword and jump around like a drunkard, but making fake combat feel real is a challenge."

"That's the thing, though, Kikojou. It's not meant to be like real fighting so much as, um... dancing? No, I mean, it's a display, to look cool," argued Sanae.

Meiling nodded. "Real fighting's more violent."

"But it looks less violent," Kikojou pointed out.

"Are you ever getting out of her?" demanded Meiling.

Kikojou shook her head, or rather Reimu's head. "It's so much nicer in here than those stuffy old orbs! Reimu and I are going to have to work out some sort of timeshare arrangement."

"And some anger management lessons, I should hope," said Flandre, cracking a smile. "Putting you in your place was the highlight of my day, but I'd hate to have to do it every time..."


End file.
